Wednesday, January 16, 2019

14 Thoughts on 14 Years of Marriage

Earlier this month Charity and I celebrated our 14 year anniversary.
That means: 
We’ve watched countless movies together
Our marriage is the same age as a high school freshman
We’ve stood on three continents together
We’ve traveled all over the States
She’s taken care of me when I’m puking
We kept a plant alive
We kept a few fish alive (they actually had babies before us)
We multiplied a few times
God has protected us in a crazy world
She stood by me as I buried my dads
We bought a home together

As I reflect on 14 years of marriage I want to share 14 thoughts to help you in your marriage. Here are some things that have helped us and shaped us:

1. Read God’s words together 
One of my favorite things we do is talk about God’s word. Charity is great at asking me what I’ve read in the Bible that day. It helps affirm what God is teaching us and keeps us connected spiritually.

2. Make vacation a priority 
We love to travel. For our anniversary this year we went to Death Valley. We make it a priority to spend time together in rad places.

3. Find a shared activity 
One area that is a constant struggle for us is finding a shared activity. I love snowboarding and Charity loves the beach. We know this is a weak point in our marriage and are constantly looking to find things to do together (right now it’s hiking).

4. Go get counseling 
Around the seven year mark we went to marriage counseling (like intense marriage counseling).

5. Turn your phone off and focus on each other 
I’ve spent too much time with my phone and not enough with my wife. This year I’m making a priority to spend more time with Charity.

6. Pray together
Every night before we go to bed we pray together. Sometimes I pray, sometimes she prays, sometimes we both pray. Sometimes we don’t want to pray, but we do.

7. Pray for each other 
Pray for your spouse. No one knows what they are going through more than you do.

8. Step out of your comfort zone
Marriage has put us out of our comfort zone. It’s ok to try a new adventure, food, or Bible study with your spouse.

9. Do something you don’t like 
I really don't like heights but when we were dating I took Charity on a sunset hot air ballon ride. It was epic and I was scared I was going to fall the entire time, but she loved it!

10. Make sexual intimacy a priority 
Yep! Don’t ignore your sex life.

11. Say “Yes” to what fills your spouse 
Charity knows I love to snowboard and she says “Yes!” I know she loves to hang out with her friends so I say, “Yes!” This helps us both stay encouraged.

12. Give your spouse a “night off” as needed 
Sometimes we need a night off from being a parent. Put the kids to bed for the other, give them a bath, or do the dishes.

13. Cuddle in bed 
Especially before the kids come!

14. Work together 
Last year we remodeled our home. I loved working along side Charity. We’ve done this before and it’s so fun.

Here are some ideas. What would you add to the conversation?

1 comment:

Tanys said...

Love your comments Neal. We will celebrate our 37th year this fall, and perhaps the thing I value is TRUST. When there may be a gap between what we hoped for, versus what reality was - rather than being suspicious or insta-angry, we assume the best. If the truth isn't pretty we can deal with that, at least we have the truth!