Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Dealing with Death

It seems like this month I have experienced more death than I can remember in a month.  Now I know this can be a morbid topic to address and generally people would like to avoid the topic but it is also a very real topic to address.  It started earlier this month with the death of a very close friend and then on Sunday I found out that two more people I know had passed away.  I'm not really sure what I am trying to communicate here but to just share some of my feelings as I process what has happened around me.  I hope that these thoughts may be helpful to others who are dealing with death.

How do we process death:

When I found out my friend Rob passed away I shed a few tears that day.  When my wife told me I had to hold back the tears.  When I spoke with Conrad that day I let some of them fly. The thing that shocked me is when I broke down at his memorial service.  I knew that I had emotions in my life in regards to his passing that I had not dealt with but I was shocked at the pain inside.  As I think about the truth of Scripture I can only think about how Paul tells us to mourn with those who are mourning
"Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn" Romans 12:15 

I am so thankful for my wife this month.  I am so thankful that I have someone in my life who shares the same belief system as I do.  Charity has allowed me to mourn over these deaths but has been there with me to talk them through.  She has, graciously, listened to my ramblings and my questions as we have conversed over this topic this month.  Charity has been there to listen to me say: "I just don't get it" or "I don't understand" more times that I can count.  As you deal with death in your life I would invite you to find a faithful person that you can have honest conversations with.

During these times that we are dealing with death I think the best remedy is to have friends around.  I am not talking about acquaintance; I am talking about friends.  This is a time in life that we need to surround ourselves with people who know us, who we can be honest with and who can be ok with us crying.

If you had to add something to this list what it would be?


Wm. Darius Myers said...

The main thing I would add is the helpfulness of gathering with other friends and family of the deceased. Reminiscing together does two things, primarily. First, it validates the reality of our pain at having experienced the loss. But second, and more importantly, it allows us to recognize how many more facets there were to the person we knew, and move us toward being able to integrate both that valued existence in our lives and its loss as being equally true in our ongoing life history. (That's the goal of mourning our way through the grief we experience in the wake of a loss.) There's more, but you intuitively covered some of the best parts/prescriptions I know.

Neal Benson said...

Dude I am so glad you read this! I know you are way more qualified to speak on this topic than I am (I should have asked you to "guest post").
Thank you for taking the time to share!

kd said...

totally praying for you buddy.
i pray that you will rest in the gracious arms of our Creator, and also give yourself the permission to grieve the loss you are experiencing...
peace be with you my friend. kd