Thursday, October 25, 2012

Dating Your Wife

Note to the reader: I am by no means an expert on this topic.  I have had my fair share of failures in planning dates for my wife and more times than not my selfishness has reared its ugly head in our dates.   The words that follow are from my heart and hopefully can serve as a reminder of the importance in continuing to date your wife.

When I look back on how Charity and I fell in love there are times I wish we could return to those days.  We have frequently talked about how nice it was being interns, with little responsibility, and no significant bills in our lives.  We would work, leave and have the rest of the days to ourselves.  When we officially started courting (dating) we had San Diego Zoo passes and Disneyland passes.  We lived in San Diego and could go to the beach as we desired.  We knew all the places to eat, when to visit the zoo and even went to Disneyland at least once a month.

Fast forward our lives almost ten years since we met and things are much different.  We have two young girls, almost eight years of marriage under our belts, I started (and finished) seminary and recently moved to a new city.  One thing we have done our best at is fighting for a date on a weekly basis.  Pretty much every week this looks different but here are some things to consider as you date your wife:

Make Dating Your Wife A Regular Occurrence
Many times in life I have heard the line: "Fake it until you make it".  This line can be applied to dating your wife.  You may not totally understand what it looks like because life (kids, ministry, job, church, family, pets) have overcome you.  The first time you do this it may feel awkward; fight that and press on.  One thing that Charity and I do our best at is having a regular, weekly, date with each other.

Be Creative
We don't live in San Diego anymore.  We don't have Disneyland passes.  We don't have San Diego Zoo passes.  The beach is close but its cold up here.  This means that I have to think of new ways to date my wife. This may mean that I bring her flowers at random times in the month.  It could be leaving a love note for her on the kitchen counter.  There are many new ideas that you can do when you date your wife but it requires some time to think and research what she would enjoy.  We have done random things like: Monster Trucks, Mixed Martial Arts, Hiking and Feeding the Ducks.  Don't think of the date as an occurrence but as a constant way of life.

Fight For The Time
This is a big deal for us.  We have to fight for the time to have a regular date.  There are always going to be things that want to steal that time away from you: soccer games, Monday Night Football, a ministry event, a sick kid, and the list goes on.  When we sit down and do our weekly calendar we are intentional to slot out some time for a date. This may mean we have to get creative but we find the time.

Keep Learning
I actually have a tag for date night that has a whopping three posts, now four, under it.  I am not trying to say that I am the best person at this.  There are weeks that I forget to talk about our weekly date and Charity kindly reminds me.  Don't stop!  Keep learning what this means and what God wants from you as you lead your home and date your wife.


Jacob Dunne said...

Every time I see a post about you am Charity going out on a date, I get chills. After years of being with your lovely wife, you still take the time to take her out on a "date".
Even when I would hang out with you and you would tell me that you have a date with your hot wife this weekend, or when you would have Chandler baby sit for you guys; it made me so happy! It gave me hope that Ben after I marry my wife, I shouldn't stop getting to know her and to make RR feel special.
Thanks to you I will always have you in the back of my mind encouraging me to take my loved one on a date. Great post!! Thank you Neal :)

Anonymous said...

Happy Spouse, Happy House!!!
Thank you for always sharing awesome wealth!!!

Anonymous said...

Thank you for the sensible critique. Me & my cousin were just preparing to do some research on this. We got a book from our local library but I think I learned better from this post. I’m very glad to see such great info being shared freely out there…