Friday night Charity and I had a really cool opportunity. Our church has a ministry for young married couples. There is no worship team, no formal greeters, no offering plates being passed and no sermon is preached. For a few months we have been trying to go but it hasn't worked out until now.
See on Friday night we were planning to just go and be a couple who gets to know some people at our church. A few days before our pastor asked us if we could share for 15 minutes about our married life. After praying about it we decided to do it! Here is one of the things I shared that night.
Over the years I have neglected Charity in many ways. I'm not trying to say I am a bad husband but that I need help being a husband. In the last couple years I have been learning to help Charity feel chosen in our relationship and there are three ways I have been doing this.
The first I do is tell Charity she is beautiful. I think this many times, in my head, and fail to tell Charity. I constantly see my wife and think "WOW you are hot!" but I forget to tell her. I may think "that new shirt looks nice on you" but I fail to say it out loud. Now when I think those thoughts I just vocalize them.
Something I have been working on, in my life, is being present. When Charity is around I need to focus on being present with her. I can so easily get distracted with: TV, my phone, computer and the Wii. I need to be remember to be present and fight to keep my attention on her so she feels chosen in our marriage.
For most of our marriage I was working on my master's degree. That meant there were many nights I had to read a book, write a paper or book travel. When our anniversary would come up Charity would kindly ask me if I wanted to plan it. I usually took that to mean she was willing to plan it so I let her (bad idea). This year I planned out our anniversary and it was so good. I could see how that made Charity feel chosen when I made all the plans, figured out the financial cost and took care of the details.
Note: I didn't have a manuscript when I spoke about this; there were a few things I wrote on a piece of paper but I realize that my marriage is so much better when Charity feels chosen!