Tuesday, September 21, 2010

The Family

I'm currently reading a book for a Fall semester class at Tozer Seminary called "The Family".  The course is on Marriage and Family Counseling.  I just got to chapter 17 and began reading about divorce and single parent families.  I come from a divorced family and some of the things that I am reading are really sticking out to me; figured I would blog about them to help them stick in my mind.
"They discovered that adults who said they were unhappily married in the late 1980's and got divorced were on average still unhappy or even less happy when interviewed five years late as compared to those who stayed in their marriage.  Most of those who stayed in their marriages had on average moved past the bad times and reached a happier stage."
I found this interesting because I think so many times we come to marriage thinking that it is made to make me happy.  Before getting married my father-in-law gave me a book to read called "Sacred Marriage".  One quote has stood out to me from that book:
"Marriage is like a mirror that shows us all our flaws"
Not the most encouraging quote but realistic.  Marriage shows me how completely selfish I am and how much I need the truth of God in my life and help to squash that selfishness.  Here are some up to date statistics on divorce:
  • About 40% of marriages will end in divorce
  • The average length of marriages that end in divorce are 7 years
  • America has the second highest divorce rate (beaten by Russia)
  • Since 1980 there have been approximately 1.2 million divorces a year
  • There has been a decline in the divorce rate since 1980 due to cohabitation 
  • Those who marry in their mid-twenties tend to have a more stable marriage
  • The divorce rate is highest in Blacks, moderate among whites, and lowest among other ethnic groups
  • Divorce is lowest among Jews, moderate in Catholics and highest among Protestants 
The book goes on to share about the pain that children bear from divorced homes.  Something that sticks out to me, from personal experience, is that boys who live with their mother tend to be more aggressive and non-complaint.  This has been a personal struggle that I have dealt with for years and wish I could say have conquered but still have battles with.

This book brought good insight on divorce and the stigma that goes something like we are able to fail in business, school and other decisions but not in marriage.  We have all made unwise choices and marriage is a union between two imperfect people.  My goal for marriage is to honor Christ, put Charity's need before mine and point my daughters to Christ.  Please pray I will be able to do that well.

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