James 1 | Small Group Questions

James was a leader of the first Christian community ever. He was in a leadership role for 20 years and during this time the church fell on hard times; famine, persecution, and poverty. James lived with wisdom and courage during this difficult time. The book of James is really a letter of wisdom. Instead of writing to one church community, like Paul did, James wrote to all of the Christians to encourage them to live out their faith. For this series I will write some of the small group questions that go along with each sermon. It seemed like a waste to leave them in a file on my computer and not share them with everyone.

Small Group Questions | Finding Joy in all Things | James 1:1-18

The book of James is really a letter of wisdom. The book is full of short wisdom speeches and metaphors that helped the early church follow the teaching of Jesus. As we study this book together you’re going to see that James letter is primarily influenced by the teachings of Jesus, primarily from the Sermon on the Mount, and the Proverbs. In chapter one James gives an overview of almost every topic he will touch them. Then in chapters two through five he will expand on each of these topics. Today we’re going to talk about finding joy in our trials, finding joy in our position in life, and how to not be deceived by the things of this world.

1) Neal started the sermon with an illustration about the life of Forrest Gump. Forrest was unwilling to quit in many situations and, in the case of the shrimping industry, it worked in his benefit. Where have you persevered in life? 

2) Read James 1:1-8. James encouraged the church to persevere in their faith despite what was happening around them. Read Acts 4:1-4, 7:54-60, and 16:22-24. Thinking of the persecution the early church faced, how did they handle it? 

3) James teaches us that the testing of our faith develops perseverance. Share about a time in your life when you went through a difficult situation (you may or may not want to share the story). But share how you grew in your faith through that time. 

4) Read James 1:5-8. We are reminded that we don’t have to go through trials alone. Read Psalm 34:18, 139:7-12, and 145:18. Thinking about how close God is to you, where do you need to ask for wisdom in your current life situation? 

5) James moves on to teaching the church to find joy in their position (read James 1:9-12). Some believers were convinced that gaining wealth was better than a holy life. Talk about how Biblical giving has changed the way you think about money. 

6) Read James 1:13-15. James gives the believers a practical, logical, progression of the path of sin. Thinking about your own life, where do you see your evil desires begin to give birth to sin? What boundaries do you have in place to flee from sin? 

7) Looking at James 1:16-18, we learned that the unbeliever is deceived by unbelief and the believer is deceived by misbelief. Share a time in your life when you saw this play out. Maybe in a time you shared your faith or a time you realized you had been deceived in your faith. 

Close your time in prayer.

4 indispensable leadership qualities of a leader

While serving in the Bay Area I had the privilege of working with a great man named Silvio. Silvio was a leader in our Usher ministry and honestly could have been my boss for all the wisdom that man has. On a regular basis we would get lunch to stay connected. I usually left the meals feeling like I was poured into more than he was. He was leading a company, spoke multiple languages, loved the Lord with all his heart, had a great marriage and two wonderful kids. I wanted to be more like him.

One time, while having a meal together, Silvio told me that I was a great leader. He said something like, "You're a clear communicator, have organizational ability and are very relational. Neal, you are the kind of the leader the church needs." I as thrilled to hear these words but wanted to talk more about the topic of great leadership with him.

We continued on this topic for much of our lunch. We talked about guys who are very administrative but are tough to relate to. There are guys who are so relational that they forget to organize the details of their day. Then you have guys who are the best communicators but seem like they can't relate to others, they walk off stage and it's tough to connect with them.

The more we talked about this, the more I got to thinking. I wrote this out on my white board in the office. I started it as a list, something like this:
1) Communicator
2) Administrative
3) Relational

Then it hit me, the way it needed to look was like this:

I called Silvio and told him about the vendiagram. What the church world needed to add to this was humility. I talked to my good friend Nick and asked him if he would draw this up for me real quick. He is a wiz and it took him no time at all. The circles overlap. When you get a guy who lines them up just right you get humility to fall in the center.

Over the next week or two I want to write more about each of these topics as they relate to leadership.

7 Questions with Danny Bowers

Danny Bowers is a Christ follower, husband, father and pastor. Danny is originally from Colorado but is a Californian in my opinion. Danny is married to Kim and they have two amazing sons. Danny is the Student & Family Pastor at Peninsula Covenant Church. Danny is a contributor to DYM, one of the top sites that resources and equips Student Ministry leaders and pastors. He has been serving students, families and training leaders for over 17 years.

It's been over a decade since I first met Danny Bowers. We were both a part of a wonderful group of Student Ministry Pastors who gathered once a year for encouragement, idea sharing and learning from great leaders. Danny had been in Student Ministries longer than me and I really looked up to all he was doing; Danny has taught me a ton about ministry and life! I was stoked when we became friends and our friendship has continued. Danny is one of the men in my life who I call for encouragement and to bounce ideas off.

I recently asked Danny 7 questions and here are his answers:

1. You’ve just started a new role at a church in a city desperately in need of God. What do you find most exciting about this call from God?

I do not have just one thing that I am MOST exciting about but there are several factors that excite me daily.
* Being in an environment that is really a PRE-CHRISTIAN thinking environment. Having the ability to see the Gospel bring LIGHT quickly into dark spaces is super encouraging.
* Families are desperate for help and many of the conversations that we’ve already had have been well received along with the love of the resources we are offering
* It’s a challenge.  There is no easy way to say it.  It’s an environment where 3% of the entire peninsula population is of a evangelical faith background…as a Christian you are an outsider and I LOVE IT

2. Doing ministry in California is far from life in the Midwest. What have been some of the differences you’ve noticed in your first month in the Bay Area? (Danny has lived in CA for 14 years and was in the Midwest for 3 years before returning)

After Spending 3 years in a MidWest/Bible Belt setting I have several take aways;
Apathy & Legalism is way more destructive than being unfamiliar with Christianity. I saw first hand how destructive apathy & legalism is in the lives of people who claim to follow Jesus and yet nowhere in their life are there clear biblical life callings of disciples.

Racism is strong & prevalent. I was appalled several times at statements people made about various races but living in a county that was 98% white racism was strong and prevalent.

There is a strong & fundamental value system that is deeply rooted in many regions of the US. I met some of the hardest working people in my life while living in the midwest for 3 years and I also saw how people who are from a very strong perspective on life live with a conviction from a political & cultural way of life view a variety of circumstances.

3. You’ve been in student ministries for over 17 years now, what are three pieces of advice you would give to a young person taking their first role in student ministries?

Be sure you have clearly communicated expectations in writing to the job you are hired to do.
Find a Mentor who is a safe voice for you and willing to challenge you but also encourage you.
Be ok being young & inexperienced.  Allow yourself to be a learner from those that have gone before you. The comparison game in ministry can be destructive.
Be a parent advocate DAY 1, even if you are not a parent.  Find parents who are a safe soundboard to give you a perspective that you won’t have naturally.

4. Headlines seem to be full with pastors who’s marriages are falling apart. I know that you and Kim have a great marriage. What is one thing you do to keep your marriage strong and fresh?

Daily Hellos. Find moments to touch base authentically daily.
Weekly Calendar Syncing. We take 2hrs a week to sync up personal calendars, kids calendars & ministry calendar to try to share the load of what the needs on our time are.
Regular Dates to enjoy life together. Sometimes it is to do grocery shopping & other times it is something romantic but weekly time together is critical.

5. There are many men who don’t have a life outside their work and family. What is one hobby you enjoy doing and that fills you up?

Coaching Football. I coached Varsity football programs as well as Middle School programs and this is a love of mine.
Camping/Hiking. Being alone in the woods with my family is a huge refreshment for me.
Writing a couple books is a new one. I am currently writing two books and it’s a leadership challenge for me.

6. Your sons are some of the most respectable young men I’ve ever met. What have you and Kim done to help raise your sons into men people want to be around?

We've have an end goal in mind. We’ve never wanted to raise “good kids”. We’ve wanted to raise Young Men, Who Love Jesus & Are a Blessing to Society…game changer in how we’ve parented
We have encouraged our sons and stood with them to embrace their life transitions with joy and never sorrow.
We meet Weekly with our sons to have conversations with them to be able to intentional challenge them and to help them grow and develop towards the end game.

7. If you could give your 20 year old self one piece of advice what would if be?

Go harder after what you know are your convictions and passions. It’ll help yourself quit trying to please people that are never please-able and lead better. That is not a license to just do what you want, but pursue hard what is worth pursuing.

A huge "Thank you" to Danny for answering these 7 questions. Go find Danny at these places to connect with him
Instagram- @dannybowers
Twitter- @dannybowers

VALIDATING YOUR SON

The following is an excerpt of my teaching to 100 men at my church at Men's Fraternity. We are currently using the 33 series: A Man and His Father. This book has been huge in my life!

In all honesty, the Bible gives us a whole bunch of examples of inadequate fathers; fathers who didn’t validate their sons. Noah got so drunk he passed out and his sons had to cover up his naked body. Jacob exhibited such immense favoritism to one son that his brothers threw Joseph in a pit and sold him into slavery. David failed to discipline his oldest son, creating a rebellious child who attempted to take the kingdom from his father and eventually died.

Realistically, there is no example of a perfect father here on earth. To find a perfect father, we need to turn our eyes to God the Father. Move to the New Testament and we find it was a big day for Jesus as He walked down to the Jordan River to be baptized. As he came out of the water, Scripture records what happened next:

As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him. And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.” Matthew 3:16-17

Speaking from heaven, God the Father makes a bold declaration to the world saying, “This is my Son!” In other words, He’s saying, “No one make a mistake about it, He belongs to me. I am his Father and He is my Son!” God the Father makes no ambiguity surrounding His relationship to Jesus Christ. God was affirming Christ during a monumental time in the life of His son.

The affirmation doesn’t stop with God boldly declaring Jesus is His Son. God goes on, “This is my Son, whom I love; with Him I am well pleased.” Affirmation is powerful and we all desperately need it to feel validated! Right here God tells the world that He loves Jesus and is well pleased with Him. Think about this. At this point in His life Jesus has not yet, preached a sermon, healed the sick, raised the dead, cast out any demons, called any disciples, or done any miracles. However God the Father validates Jesus not for what He has done or for the future works he will do. The Father affirms Jesus solely because of who He is—His beloved Son! What an encouragement!

If you’ve experienced a lack of validation from your father growing up, please don’t hold back encouragement in your son’s life. The power of our words can bring life to our sons, name them and draw them out. This is what God to Jesus that day on the bank of the Jordan river. We need to see our sons, Fathers with older children, keep in mind the age of Jesus at His baptism. God remained engaged in Jesus’ life through every step and every stage of His life.

You son needs to be validated by you. Your son needs to be seen by you and encouraged by you. There is a huge power that comes in validating a son.

To learn more about the 33 Series watch the following video

FINDING CREATIVE WAYS TO SERVE WITH YOUR KIDS

The longer I pastor and the most I parent the more I look for ways to empower parents to be spiritual leaders in their homes. I often find myself having conversations with dads about how they can connect with their kids. I talk with moms about how they can shape the hearts of their sons. I talk with grandparents who are filling a role and looking for creative ways to serve with their kids.

(Sophie praying with me)

Throughout these conversations I am constantly thinking about ways I can serve with my kids. At my church we do something called Family Worship. It's a service where we invite elementary aged kids into our main worship service. Our team is constantly trying to find creative ways to make the service more engaging, more practical and helpful to families. We want the kids to leave the service thinking:
"I know God better because of that." We want parents leaving the service thinking: "I can talk with my child about things of God because of that service."



About two years I had an idea (this is normal occurrence in my life). Not all my ideas are good, but this one seemed to catch traction. The idea was to have my six year old daughter co-host with me in the service. To make this happen well I knew it would take lots of practice and preparation. I didn't just show up on Sunday morning with my daughter. We talked about it at home, we practiced on Thursday on the stage with lights and microphones, and then we did the real thing on Sunday.

When it was all said and done it was a great time! We had a fantastic response from our body and my daughter loved it!

(Sophie stood on a stool to get us the same height)

I know many churches are thinking of creative ways to get kids and parents in the service together. If that is you, you might want to try something like we did!

(Full Room shot)

I want to say a special thanks to our Foster City team for dreaming always!
Thank you to Mike Sly for the pictures of this special time with my daughter.

Your First Interview

Over the last couple months our church has been in the process of hiring for a few roles.  With this I've read through hundreds of resumes, had a good number of phone interviews and even had some Skype convo's with people.  So far in this series of posts I've blogged about: (1) How to write your resume and (2) How to submit your resume.

Let's assume you've written amazing resume, that's no more than 2 pages, and after following the directions to submit your resume you caught the attention of your future employer.  Now lets talk about the next major step in the interview process; you're first interview.  Up till now, let's assume, you've never spoken with the person who's hiring for this role you're super interested in.  Here are four pointers to ruining your first interview and a solid way to never get a call back on the position you're so excited about:

1. Talk Bad about your Church
Your first phone/Skype interview is your chance to shine; think of it as a first date.  At one point in the conversation you will most likely be asked: "So why do you want to leave ...."

Here are two potential responses you can give:
"Well, my senior pastor is completely incompetent.  He doesn't know what he's doing and is killing the church.  We've decreased our attendance by 40% and there's no hope of it stopping.  Our Elders don't know what to do, the ministry is in shambles and I just want out."

Or you could say this:
"I'm a point in my life where God has been stirring in me to look for another place to lead.  I think I've learned the lessons I'm going to learn here and its time to move onto my next adventure in ministry.  Through prayer my wife and I really trust God has another place for us to minister."

Who would you rather hire?

2. Detail the Dysfunction 
When I was applying for a new role there were a few times I explained some of the dysfunction in too much detail.  My wife, graciously, helped me see this and we began using the line: "less is more".  A sure fire way to scare off the hiring team is to detail out all the dysfunction of your current church.  Pastors know ministry is messy, but you don't have to talk about how your friends are starting to leave the church because of the poor leadership you're under. You don't have to share how the new lead pastor has systematically fired everyone on the staff and you're the last man standing.

3. Just Keep Talking
Some of my favorite conversations in life are when I get to say nothing!  If you want to seal the deal of never getting a second interview just keep on talking.  When asked a question, make sure to talk as long as you possibly can.  When the interviewer tries to sneak a comment in there act like you didn't see them move their lips or hear anything from their mouth.  Make sure to talk too much!

4. Question the Leadership
Most likely before you get the initial call you will have been asked to, or you're smart enough to, research the church on the internet.  You may have looked at the staff, read about the different ministries, done some stalking on Facebook or read the church's position papers.  If you want to put the final nail in the coffin make sure to start off the conversation by questioning the leadership of the church or provide a critique on what their currently doing.  This is a great way to make friends and start the conversation off on the right foot.

Obviously these four pointers are completely outlandish, but unfortunately people are having conversations like this right now applying for a role.  What would you add to the list to help you completely miss out on your dream job?

Global Leadership Summit /// Day Two

The Global Leadership Summit is a great leadership event we hosted at Central Peninsula Church.  Here are my bullet point notes from day two (please note, I don't have notes from every session).

Vijay Govindarajan

• Strategy is about leadership in the future
• Box #1: Manage the present
• Box #2: Forget the past (selectively)
• Box #3: Create the future
• How do you create the future while you manage the present?
• Innovation is not just ideas, innovation is commercializing creativity 
• Innovate leaders need to be humble
• How are we creatively working towards the future (VG gave the example: if you want to eat fruit in 5 years, you need to plan the tree today)
• Conflicts are not bad, conflicts are healthy as long as you know how to manage conflict on your team
• Spend a little, earn A LOT
• Innovations is about value for money

Dr. Brené Brown 

• Studies: vulnerability, courage and shame
• The irreducible needs of people: Love & Belonging (in the absence of Love & Belonging there is always shame)
• Shame says: "I'm not enough"
• Love isn't something we give, it something we cultivate (only when self love is involved)
• We can't give what we don't have (example: courage, sense of belonging or permission for grace)
• We can't give help when we're scared to ask for help
• How do we navigate the gap from what we profess to what we practice
• To find shame you have to shine light in dark places
• Blame is toxic in organizations
• Make space for people to fit in; for them to show up and be seen for who they are
• We are born to be brave
• You can choose courage or you can choose comfort but you can't choose them both; they are mutually exclusive. 

Dr. Henry Cloud

• Henry talked through three things that ruin our thinking: personal, pervasive, permanent
• Don't take it personal
• The thought process pervades the brain and makes things seem bad
• When is pervades the brain you think: "it will always be this way" and it becomes permanent.  
• Think about your greatest accomplishments in life
• Your life is more than a scene, its an entire movie.  Every good movie has scenes of crisis.
• Your brain runs on three things: oxygen, glucose and relationships
• Connect by talking about healing
• Be in control of what you can be in control of

Global Leadership Summit 2013 /// Day One

Central Peninsula Church is a premier host site for the Global Leadership and here are my bullet point notes from the event

Bill Hybels

• Don't give back your vision to God
• Take risks as a leader

Colin Powell

• Leadership is breaking science to get more out of people than you can
• In leadership you get no where with out followers who want to follow you
• Give leaders a sense of purpose
• Leadership is about followership
• Give people the resources they need to get the job done
• Have simple things (sayings) you constantly repeat
• Take care of your team

Patrick Lencioni

• Its about getting a job thats not miserable

Things that lead to a miserable job:

1) Anonymity (makes you feel miserable)

* Make sure I show my team I care

* Good people don't leave jobs where they're known

2) Irrelevance (is a job killer)

* If you don't think your job matters its demotivating

* I need to help people find relevance in their ministry

* When someones job is to help us; celebrate that!

3) Immeasurement (no ability to measure your success) 

* People need to know their doing a good job

* Give people another ability to measure their performance

Liz Wiseman

• Multiplier approach is to let people weigh in
• Multiplier's challenge people without apology
• Working for a diminisher is exhausting and boring
• Working for a multiplier is exhausting and fun!
• We do our greatest damage when we hold our greatest intentions
• How do I be more of a multiplier?

Chris Brown

• Jesus is asking me to give up my title, stage and authority for Him 
• Call sin, sin
• Shared leadership is better
• Make room for other leaders, its not my Kingdom!
• Our calling has to trump culture

Bob Goff

• We don't do stuff so Jesus will think we're swell
• People believe we're our biggest mistake

Mark Burnett

• NO= Next Opportunity
• Choose your companions before you choose your road
• Don't keep energy suckers around
• Not everybody is the right player on the right team
• If the person at the top isn't wise enough to hand things off they won't succeed
• Hire great people & let them do their job (get out of their way)

Longevity

One of my favorite questions to ask people at Central Peninsula Church Foster City is
"How long have you been at CPC?"

For the first two months I was shocked at the responses I heard

Here are some of the answers I received from this question:

"About 22 years" 

"Since before Mark came, so 25 years" 

"I think about 27 years now" 

"At least 30 years" 

"32 years" 

"Before Mark went gray" 

Most of my pastoral experience has been in church plants so to hear responses like this left me speechless.  It has been such a blessing to hear the stories of longevity of the people at our campus, and on our staff!  There are staff members that have been around since before I gave my life to Christ!

Making the Most of your Time

I am not the best person in the world at managing my schedule; I am sure they are people out there that do it much better than I do.  I am also not much of a person that likes to plan everything out but I have had enough times of entering meetings I wasn't prepared for, walking up to pulpit to preach messages I hadn't put enough study time into and missing out on family time due to work/school related circumstances.

The bulk of what I am about to share came about because of a catastrophic event that happened while I was in leadership.  May 2009 was the craziest ministry month of my life!  I found out that the founding lead pastor of the church I was high school pastor at was resigning due to a moral failure.  That meant that my responsibilities increased pretty much over night to help the church survive the blow.  Thankfully I was registered to take two classes that summer at Tozer Theological Seminary and one of those classes was Christian Spiritual Formations with Dr. Bill Randall.  Bill took some extra time with Charity and me to help me understand the need to make the most of my time in this situation of our lives.

Since then I have made some tweaks to how I make the most of my time but I do my best to schedule all my time to make sure that I am accomplishing what I want to do with my life (and what I feel God has called me to do).  If you need some help with your calendar can I encourage you to follow these steps:

START WITH FAMILY TIME
When I first started planning out my calendar I would put in my weekly work duties, school requirements and pretty much everything else that I thought was super important.  That worked for about six months until my wife said: "Where is there time for me?"  That rocked me and revealed to me that I had selfishly been forgetting about my family while trying to keep the church alive and finish seminary.  Now that we have been doing this for over three years I start out my week with planning family time.  This includes taking my kids on a date, having a weekly date with my wife and making sure to block out some big chunks of my week for family time.

FIND SOME PERSONAL TIME
Now that you have taken some time to have a date with your wife, spend some time with your kids, make sure you are home for dinner or to be home for a family lunch once a week look for some time for yourself.  In his book As for me and my crazy house Brian Berry talks about how important it is for you to be a healthy leader by slotting some "Me" time.  This could be going fishing for a few hours on your day off, getting a coffee one morning or hitting the gym a few nights in the week.  This is vital to your personal health so make sure when you plan your week out you get some time in there doing some things that are going to make you happy and healthy.  There is a unique balance in this part of calendaring; I have learned that there are weeks I can get more time for myself and there are weeks that I have to fight for it (be prepared).

THINK AHEAD
When you planning out your schedule make sure that you look ahead, a few months, to know what is coming your way.  Put big things on the calendar way ahead of time so you can make sure you are ready for them when the time comes!  If you have a mission trip coming up and need to schedule some team meetings this is the place to do that!  Our Community Life Pastor just emailed me with the dates for our Men's Retreat that is February and I immediately put that on my calendar.  It is unfair for you to call meetings the week of and expect that everyone will be able to attend.  When you think ahead it shows the people you are working with that you care about them and value your time.

My wife and I love to vacation!  This means that when we are doing our calendar we are looking for a place to put a get-a-way in there.  Now this doesn't always happen and its not always Hawaii (though I wish it was) but it could be thinking ahead to visit your family who lives a few hours away.  Thinking ahead also gets your mind out of the weekly grind to accomplish your dreams!

PLAN OUT YOUR WEEK
This can be the more difficult part of making the most of your time but this is a very important piece.  If you know that you are preaching this Sunday in Big Church than you need to carve out some big chunks of time to message prep.  Maybe you have some reoccurring weekly meetings that you need to prep for or you would like to get lunch with a key leader; this is the time to do that.  Figure out what needs to be done this week and put it on the calendar; then when you get a reminder about it you know its time to start working on it.

Also, when you do this leave some margin.  Leave some room between meetings so you are not rushing from one meeting to the next.  Leave some margin so if a parent calls and wants to talk you have the freedom to make that happen.  Leave some room so you can meet with an intern or catch up with a fellow staff member at the water cooler.

The way that this works best for me is to sit down on the couch on Sunday night for about an hour with my computer open.  I make sure that Charity and I get some time to talk through our week, then we talk through the month and finally I fill in my work week.  If you choose to start doing something like this give yourself some grace as you figure what works best for you.