Pursue- Week 1 Small Group Questions

Coastline Bible Church is doing a four-week sermon series called: "Pursue." During this series we are going to study the Scriptures about loving God, loving others, living a holy life, and having a healthy marriage or preparing for marriage. This is a sermon series for everyone who is looking to have a little more love in their life. It seems there has been so much division in our Nation over the last several years. Marriages are growing cold. Dating relationships are falling apart under the stress of the pandemic. For this series I volunteered to write the small group questions that go along with each sermon. It seemed like a waste to leave them in a file on my computer and not share them with everyone.

Small Group Questions ::: Love God, Love Others ::: Matthew 22

This week we kick off a brand new sermon series called: Pursue. For the month of February we’re going to focus on the love of God and how that impacts our lives. In Matthew 22 we read that the religious leaders tried to trap Jesus with a question. Jesus does a great job at summarizing the 600+ Jewish Laws into one statement. Jesus knew it was all about love. He encouraged us to focus on loving God, loving others, and loving ourselves. The words that so easily rolled off Jesus’ lips can be a tough teaching for us to implement in our lives. We have past hang-ups, negative interactions, and a poor ability to put boundaries in our lives. Before studying these questions, ask God to help you to understand love in a new way this week; a way that He loves. 

1) Neal started the sermon by sharing a story of a time when he had a difficult time loving someone he worked with. Think about a time in your life that you’ve had a hard time loving someone, how did you respond to that person? Did it work?  

2) Read Matthew 22:34-38. Jesus tells us to love God with all our heart. Read Psalm 73:25, 1 John 4:19, & 2 Corinthians 3:16. What does it look like to love God with our entire heart? What holds us back from loving God with all our heart? 

3) Jesus also invited us to love God with all our mind. There are some churches that want you to ‘check your mind at the door’ and simply trust. But Jesus invites us to love God with our mind. How can we love God with our mind this week? 

4) Next, Jesus invited us to love God with all our soul (Matthew 22:37). Read: Matthew 11:29, Mark 8:36-37, Luke 1:46 & 1 Peter 2:11. How do these passages provide instruction on what it looks like to love God with all our soul? 

5) Jesus added to the question and told us to love our neighbor as ourself (read Matthew 22:39). How come we don’t love others? Read 1 John 4:11, 1 Peter 4:8, Romans 12:9, & Ephesians 4:32. How can we love our neighbor this week? 

6) Neal said that one of the reasons we don’t know how to love our neighbors is that we don’t love ourselves. Read Micah 6:8, 1 John 3:1, and John 3:16-17. What holds you back from loving yourself? How can you grow in loving yourself this week? 

7) Jesus was able to answer the question with Scripture (read Deuteronomy 6:4). Do you feel confident in knowing God’s word so that you can answer questions based on Scripture? If not, how can you know God’s better? (see Psalm 119:11) 

Close your time in prayer. Talk about who you will invite to Coastline Online? 

16 thoughts on 16 years of marriage

Last week Charity and I celebrated 16 years of marriage. It was a pretty surreal experience. We were able to get a hotel room in the same place we celebrated our honeymoon in San Diego. We stayed at the Hotel del Coronado. Coronado Island has many great memories for us. It’s the first place we celebrated a Valentine’s Day. We would visit the beach there. We loved to walk downtown there.

On the drive to San Diego we talked about some of the highlights and hard times in our marriage. We talked about supporting each other during school, having kids, vacationing, making marriage a priority, and much more. 

When we returned home it prompted me to write this post. I’m not going to expand on each point but if you’d like to talk about them let me know: 

1. Our marriage is stronger because we’ve chosen to seek God first

2. Listen to your spouse 

3. Over-communicate on anything and everything 

4. Make dating your spouse a priority 

5. We’ve chosen to make vacations/adventures a priority 

6. Lots of couples fight over money and it’s not worth fighting over 

7. Life is well spent eating sushi together 

8. If you’re spouse is interested in it, find a way to be interested 

9. Don’t neglect your sex life, make that a high priority 

10. Look for ways to bless your spouse (don’t be selfish) 

11. Find creative ways to surprise your spouse with things he/she will love

12. Take lots of pictures, you will want to look back on them later 

13. Focus on a healthy marriage, not a perfect marriage

14. There are times to listen and times to offer advice 

15. Pray for each other and together; you can never have enough prayer

16. Make sure to tell your wife that she is beautiful every time you think it; she can’t read your mind 

Lament

For the last couple months I’ve felt emotions that I don’t always feel.
I’m generally the eternal optimist. I think that pretty much everything will work out for the best. Then March hit… Things seemed dark and confusing. Our kids stopped in-person school. Our church stopped gathering in-person. My favorite restaurants weren’t open. Laws changed. Social distancing was a new word. Zoom fatigue became a real thing. I could keep going, but you get the picture.

While on vacation this word came to mind over and over again: Lament.

I thought about the loss and grief that I’ve experienced over the last couple months (we’ve all experienced loss). Here are some things that I’m lamenting or have lamented over the last couple months:

+ Hanging out with people I love

+ Going to summer camp

+ Taking my wife on a date every week

+ Going out to Slurpee’s with my kids

+ Canceled camping trips

+ Missing our church family

+ Canceled weddings

+ Doing premarital counseling only on Zoom

+ Seeing people walk away from the church

+ Reading about increased depression and suicide rates

+ Not being able to go to the Dominican Republic to start a new partnership with Coastline

What have you lamented or are currently lamenting?

4 thoughts on four decades

Last year I turned 40…

Sounds kind of crazy to say that because I never thought I would make it to 18. The last twenty years have been a wild ride for me. Giving my life to Jesus, getting married, having children, finishing a graduate degree, and more are some of the highlights. 

We’ve lived in six different homes since we got married and three different states. We’ve served in three churches and want Coastline to be a long-term ministry call (Ventura is a great city!). 

For the last couple weeks I’ve thought about this new decade in my life. I’ve thought about the former decades and what I’ve learned. I didn’t want to write a list of 40 things I’ve done or 40 ways to eat chicken (that sounds good though). I figured I’d give one thing from each decade. Some I’ve excelled in and others I’m growing in. 

Family is important 

This is a big one for me. Growing up my family was broken and mended. I shared a bedroom with my grandma when all we could afford was to live with her. As I grew I became a bratty teenager. I shunned my family and looked for independence. I found a great group of friends but we made some bad decisions. I got in a big fight with my dad and we didn’t talk for 2 years. I upset my mom. I hurt my sister. I ignored my grandma on her deathbed because I didn’t know how to deal with emotions and anger and frustration and bitterness. 

Then I gave my life to Jesus and realized that God is a healing God. I learned about reconciliation and restoration. I lived with my sister for many years while in college. My mom and established a healthy relationship. I met my wife and we had kids. I also did a graduate degree and saw that I spent a lot of time away from my family and that was tough on them. 

When I look at the last decade and the coming decade, I know that family is important but more of my decisions will be based on that. I want to spend more time with my kids. I want to make dating my wife intentional. I want more vacations where my phone is left in a car, backpack, or pocket. I want more memories and less “likes” on social media. That is what I’m aiming for. 

Have fun 

This has never really been a problem for me. I love an adventure, a hike, riding dirt bikes, jumping cars, and surfing. But I’m learning that fun doesn’t have to be an adrenaline rush (although it’s not bad). Fun can be jumping on the trampoline with my kids, walking on the beach with my wife, or taking my mom to a coffee. I’ve had a ton of fun watching my kids grow and learn. Fun is laughing at Chick-fil-A or riding bikes around the block. 

I played dolls the other day with my daughter and we had so much fun. I’m actually laughing while writing this. We smiled and played creatively. I want to focus on continuing to have fun in life. I’m going to be looking for more ways to have fun. If you’re planning something fun, invite me! 

Life is a lesson, learn from it 

When I was 17 I was in a confused place in life. I was raking pine needles with a close family friend (my mom’s best friend from high school). We would work hard and then talk while working. I shared some of the dumb stuff I was doing and she said something I have never forgotten. She said: “Neal, you need to know three things about life. First, life is a lesson learn from it. Second, life is a lesson learn from it. Third, life is a lesson learn from it.” 

Life is a lesson. We are not going to be perfect. I strive for perfection and fail regularly. But when I think back to my conversation with Lil, I am reminded of all I’ve learned. I’ve learned how to flip a truck over after you roll it, how to tie a knot, how to braid my daughters hair, how to grow a backyard garden, and more. Life is a lesson. Keep learning. This decade I’m committing to being a long-long learner. 

Take God serious 

When I was a little kid my mom took me to church. I didn’t apply much of what I learned. I retained the info, but didn’t allow God to transform my life. When I was twenty I really trusted Jesus with all I had. A couple years later I learned about taking God serious. Not that God is always serious, I think God likes to have fun too (read about the time a donkey talked to a man). 

What I mean here is, be obedient to God. Spend time in prayer. Listen to God. Serve others. Give generously. I’m not talking about religious legalism, but radical obedience. I want to end my life knowing that I took God serious. I want to live my life knowing that I took God serious. I want to have serious fun while doing that! 

Here’s to the next decade!