Love Your Kids | Ephesians 6:1-4

The month of February is a time when love is in the air! "I love you" might be the most sentence in the English language... in any language. For the month of February we're focusing in on love. We're doing a sermon series titled: "I love you". In this series we'll look at four unique relationships: Loving God, loving others, loving our spouse, and loving our kids. It seemed like a great idea to share the small group questions here incase you'd like to study one of these topics more. 

Small Group Questions | Love Your Kids | Ephesians 6:1-4

This month, we’re dedicating our time to exploring Biblical love. On Sunday, we talked  about the role of love in parenting: a calling that requires patience, guidance, and grace. In Ephesians 6:1-4, Paul teaches that parenting is about both instruction and nurture, balancing discipline with encouragement. Just as God lovingly leads us, parents are called to lead their children with wisdom, consistency, and a heart that reflects Christ’s love. Parenting can look different for everyone. Our church includes people in various stages of life: parents, grandparents, future parents, and those who support families. As you discuss, please be mindful and sensitive to each person’s experiences.

1) What is one moment from your childhood when you felt deeply loved by a parent or guardian? What specifically made you feel loved? How can we apply those principles in our own parenting or relationships? 

2) Read Ephesians 6:1-3. Paul connects obedience to parents with enjoying long life.  Thinking about your relationship with your parents, how have you seen obedience their instruction in your life lead to blessings in your life?

3) The New Testament offers us a variety of examples of parenting. Read Matthew 3:16-17. At the baptism of Jesus we read about an affirming time for Jesus. Talk about the power of encouraging our children. 

4) Read Ephesians 6:4 and Colossians 3:21. Paul warns fathers not to exasperate their children. What are some ways that parents (or authority figures) can unintentionally discourage or embitter children?

5) In the sermon we learned about three ways to ruin a child: Being Overbearing, Being Permissive, or Being Inconsistent. How does your parenting impact your children? Have you modeled a consistent parenting style?

6) Read Deut 6:4-9. Moses instructed God’s people to impress these commandments on their children. What are ways we can enter into spiritual conversations this week? What one thing do you want to focus on this week? 

7) In Matthew 17:14-20 we learned about a father who was willing to do anything for his son and desperate for life change. What is one way you can bring your children to the feet of Jesus this week to be in His presence? 

Close your time in prayer. Pray for strength to invite a friend to meet Jesus. 

Love Your Spouse | Ephesians 5:21-33

The month of February is a time when love is in the air! "I love you" might be the most sentence in the English language... in any language. For the month of February we're focusing in on love. We're doing a sermon series titled: "I love you". In this series we'll look at four unique relationships: Loving God, loving others, loving our spouse, and loving our kids. It seemed like a great idea to share the small group questions here incase you'd like to study one of these topics more. 

Small Group Questions | Love Your Spouse | Ephesians 5:21-33

This month, we’re dedicating our time to exploring Biblical love. On Sunday, we focused on the marriage relationship, which requires submission, sacrifice, and communication—exactly what Paul teaches in Ephesians 5:21-33. This passage can sometimes make people uncomfortable because of its discussion on submission, but when we view it through the lens of Christ’s love, we see that submission isn’t about power, it’s about serving one another with humility and love. Since our church is comprised of people in various stages of life and relationships, some questions may resonate more than others. As you discuss, please be mindful and sensitive to each person’s experiences.

1) The sermon started with a viral story about Otou Katayama who acted extremely childish in his marriage. What are some childish things you’ve seen couples do in their relationship that leaves you shaking your head?  

2) Read Ephesians 5:21. Paul commands married couples to submit to each other out of reverence for Christ. The word submit can get a bad reputation in marriage. How can married couples show a profound respect for each other? 

3) To fully understand the marriage relationship we need to look back to creation. Read Genesis 1:26-27 and 2:20-25. Focusing on these two verses, what do we learn about the way God created mankind in His imagine and the role of marriage?  

4) In Acts we learned about the couple Priscilla and Aquila. Read Acts 18:1-3 and 18-19. What lessons can we draw from this married couple about supporting each other in the gifting God has given to husbands and wives? 

5) Scripture provides us some cautionary tales of marriage. David and Michal’s marriage is one that lacked spiritual unity. Read 1 Samuel 19:10-17 and 2 Samuel 6:16-23. What can we learn from this couple about having a healthy marriage? 

6) Read Ephesians 5:22-33. Paul teaches married couples how to interact with each other in a Godly way. As a group, pull out several examples of what a healthy marriage looks like and discuss how you could move in that relational direction. 

7) For those who are married, come up with a list of several ways you can love and respect your spouse this week. Examples can range from praying for each other, reading Scripture together, or planning a date. 

Close your time in prayer. Pray for strength to invite a friend to meet Jesus. 

A healthy marriage focuses on teamwork

Earlier this month Charity and I taught on marriage. It was super fun because we've been married for eighteen years now! We have three children and have lived in a couple different cities together. We've traveled from California to Arizona, from Las Vegas to Africa, from Washington to Italy (and more). And in all that we still love each other! 

For our talk we looked at the words of Salomon in Ecclesiastes: 

9 Two are better than one,

    because they have a good return for their labor:

10 If either of them falls down,

    one can help the other up.

But pity anyone who falls

    and has no one to help them up.

11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.

    But how can one keep warm alone?

12 Though one may be overpowered,

    two can defend themselves.

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 NIV

When I think about married, the first thing that a healthy marriage focuses on is teamwork. The author starts out with a basic truth in life: two are better than one. If I asked you if you would rather have one dollar or two, you would take two. If I asked you if you would rather have one scoop of ice cream or two, you would most likely take two. The author is referring to people. The only thing that we don’t want two of is rattlesnakes on a hike. When two people are working together they have a better return. Two people can bring in more income, they can dream together, they can work better in their gifting and have a better return for the company they are working for. We all know that two are better than one, but we need to be reminded or this truth for a healthy marriage. 

For those who are married, you know that for your marriage to be healthy you have to work together. When a couple walks down the aisle they are madly in love. They stare into each others eyes. They see their future flash in front of them. This is the person they want to have babies with, buy a home with, travel with, and grow old with. 

When each person walks down the aisle they have an invisible team jersey on. That team jersey has their own name on the back. For twenty minutes they will stand in front of their family, friends, a pastor and God, and commit their lives to each other. When they walk away that day they have changed their team allegiance to work with the other for the rest of their lives. 

Most of us know what it’s like to work with others on a team. We played soccer when we were five years old. We worked with a group on a high school math project. Or in our office we’ve worked on a team project to develop a new initiative. Sometimes there is a person on the team that doesn’t pull their weight and does less than the rest of the team. This leaves the others on the team doing more work and carrying the other person’s slack. Most often this ends in bitterness. 

On a team, everyone needs to play their role plus some. When everyone on the team gives 100%, that is what makes the team function. 

When I think of teamwork, I’m drawn to what God spoke in creation (read Genesis 2:18). It is not good for man to be alone. Guys, can I get an: “Amen!” on that one! If you’re married but haven’t been focused on teamwork with your spouse, will you make a change today? 

I want to present the: Be something different principle to you. I find that when I’m home I can easily drift to being on my phone and neglect my kids. Charity saw this too but she didn’t shame me for it. Instead, Charity has modeled to our family that she is present. She doesn’t bring her phone to the dinner table and she isn’t constantly glued to a screen. Instead, she is engaged and focused on our family. She has modeled to me that there is a different way. What I want you to do is think about how you can be different in your marriage. Not how your spouse can be different but how you can be different. What you can do in your marriage that will focus on teamwork and involvement. 

Pursue- Week 4 Small Group Questions

Coastline Bible Church is doing a four-week sermon series called: "Pursue." During this series we are going to study the Scriptures about loving God, loving others, living a holy life, and having a healthy marriage or preparing for marriage. This is a sermon series for everyone who is looking to have a little more love in their life. It seems there has been so much division in our Nation over the last several years. Marriages are growing cold. Dating relationships are falling apart under the stress of the pandemic. For this series I volunteered to write the small group questions that go along with each sermon. It seemed like a waste to leave them in a file on my computer and not share them with everyone.

Small Group Questions ::: A Thriving Marriage ::: Ephesians 5

We live in a culture obsessed with Pinterest weddings, shows about quick weddings, and finding love on television. On the contrary, the Biblical standard for marriage is much different than what culture presents to us. God established the marriage relationship in Genesis but the beautiful picture of marriage was quickly marred when sin entered the world. In Paul’s letter to the church in Ephesus he gives us detailed instruction for a thriving marriage. Paul provides an outline for couples to follow in the marriage relationship that can bring us back to God’s original plan. Paul longed to see married couples have longevity and be a witness to those around them. Paul’s instruction involves mutual submission and and an extra serving of love. 

1) Neal started the sermon by sharing about what football players are taught by NFL coaches. Each player is to do their best to help move the ball down the field. Are you trying to do your best to help your spouse succeed in your marriage?  

2) Read Ephesians 5:21. The Biblical command is for the husband and the wife to submit to each other because of their relationship to God. What are some practical ways that spouses can submit to each other as to the Lord? (see James 4:7).  

3) Paul instructed wives to submit to their husbands (read Ephesians 4:22-24). How come the word submission has such a negative connotation in our culture? Read Colossians 3:18 and 1 Peter 3:1 to talk more about submission in a positive light. 

4) The Biblical instruction for men is to love their wife (read Ephesians 5:25-32 & Colossians 3:19). How can men love their wife in the same way that Jesus loved the church? Read John 3:16 for one example of how Jesus loved the church.

5) Men are told to help lead their wife spiritually. What are some practical ways that men can lead their home spiritually? (see Proverbs 18:22 & 1 Peter 3:7). How can women support and encourage their husband in spiritual leadership? 

6) Read Ephesians 5:33. How come Paul told men to love their wife and the wife to respect her husband and not the other way around? Wouldn’t it make sense the other way since women tend to love better and guys understand respect? 

7) Neal invited every married couple to either find a mentor couple or invite a younger married couple to their home. What steps are you taking to invest in your marriage? 

Close your time in prayer. Talk about who you will invite to Coastline Online? 

Pursue- Week 1 Small Group Questions

Coastline Bible Church is doing a four-week sermon series called: "Pursue." During this series we are going to study the Scriptures about loving God, loving others, living a holy life, and having a healthy marriage or preparing for marriage. This is a sermon series for everyone who is looking to have a little more love in their life. It seems there has been so much division in our Nation over the last several years. Marriages are growing cold. Dating relationships are falling apart under the stress of the pandemic. For this series I volunteered to write the small group questions that go along with each sermon. It seemed like a waste to leave them in a file on my computer and not share them with everyone.

Small Group Questions ::: Love God, Love Others ::: Matthew 22

This week we kick off a brand new sermon series called: Pursue. For the month of February we’re going to focus on the love of God and how that impacts our lives. In Matthew 22 we read that the religious leaders tried to trap Jesus with a question. Jesus does a great job at summarizing the 600+ Jewish Laws into one statement. Jesus knew it was all about love. He encouraged us to focus on loving God, loving others, and loving ourselves. The words that so easily rolled off Jesus’ lips can be a tough teaching for us to implement in our lives. We have past hang-ups, negative interactions, and a poor ability to put boundaries in our lives. Before studying these questions, ask God to help you to understand love in a new way this week; a way that He loves. 

1) Neal started the sermon by sharing a story of a time when he had a difficult time loving someone he worked with. Think about a time in your life that you’ve had a hard time loving someone, how did you respond to that person? Did it work?  

2) Read Matthew 22:34-38. Jesus tells us to love God with all our heart. Read Psalm 73:25, 1 John 4:19, & 2 Corinthians 3:16. What does it look like to love God with our entire heart? What holds us back from loving God with all our heart? 

3) Jesus also invited us to love God with all our mind. There are some churches that want you to ‘check your mind at the door’ and simply trust. But Jesus invites us to love God with our mind. How can we love God with our mind this week? 

4) Next, Jesus invited us to love God with all our soul (Matthew 22:37). Read: Matthew 11:29, Mark 8:36-37, Luke 1:46 & 1 Peter 2:11. How do these passages provide instruction on what it looks like to love God with all our soul? 

5) Jesus added to the question and told us to love our neighbor as ourself (read Matthew 22:39). How come we don’t love others? Read 1 John 4:11, 1 Peter 4:8, Romans 12:9, & Ephesians 4:32. How can we love our neighbor this week? 

6) Neal said that one of the reasons we don’t know how to love our neighbors is that we don’t love ourselves. Read Micah 6:8, 1 John 3:1, and John 3:16-17. What holds you back from loving yourself? How can you grow in loving yourself this week? 

7) Jesus was able to answer the question with Scripture (read Deuteronomy 6:4). Do you feel confident in knowing God’s word so that you can answer questions based on Scripture? If not, how can you know God’s better? (see Psalm 119:11) 

Close your time in prayer. Talk about who you will invite to Coastline Online? 

16 thoughts on 16 years of marriage

Last week Charity and I celebrated 16 years of marriage. It was a pretty surreal experience. We were able to get a hotel room in the same place we celebrated our honeymoon in San Diego. We stayed at the Hotel del Coronado. Coronado Island has many great memories for us. It’s the first place we celebrated a Valentine’s Day. We would visit the beach there. We loved to walk downtown there.

On the drive to San Diego we talked about some of the highlights and hard times in our marriage. We talked about supporting each other during school, having kids, vacationing, making marriage a priority, and much more. 

When we returned home it prompted me to write this post. I’m not going to expand on each point but if you’d like to talk about them let me know: 

1. Our marriage is stronger because we’ve chosen to seek God first

2. Listen to your spouse 

3. Over-communicate on anything and everything 

4. Make dating your spouse a priority 

5. We’ve chosen to make vacations/adventures a priority 

6. Lots of couples fight over money and it’s not worth fighting over 

7. Life is well spent eating sushi together 

8. If you’re spouse is interested in it, find a way to be interested 

9. Don’t neglect your sex life, make that a high priority 

10. Look for ways to bless your spouse (don’t be selfish) 

11. Find creative ways to surprise your spouse with things he/she will love

12. Take lots of pictures, you will want to look back on them later 

13. Focus on a healthy marriage, not a perfect marriage

14. There are times to listen and times to offer advice 

15. Pray for each other and together; you can never have enough prayer

16. Make sure to tell your wife that she is beautiful every time you think it; she can’t read your mind 

Racism isn't Biblical

On Sunday June 28, I preached against racism. At the bottom of this post I'll share the entire worship gathering. This post isn't about that sermon but about resources that we all need to read to understand the deep seated racism happening in our world. Not just our world, but our nation. Not just our nation, but our cities. Not just our cities but our churches. Some people have allowed subtle and overt racism to take place in their life and we need to actively work to stop that.

Sunday June 28 follow up email

Hi Coastline,

This morning we kicked off a brand new sermon series. At the end of our worship gathering I shared that I would send an email with follow up resources. We want to engage our mind so we can apply what God asks of us in our actions.

Here are some links/ideas to books, videos, and resources to help us have a Biblical view of the harm of racism.

Scripture to read
Genesis 1:26-27
Galatians 3:28-29
Romans 10:12
Micah 6:8
John 3:16
Colossians 3:11

Books to consider 
Not all the books on my list are from Christian authors. Most are, but some are not. That means there might be language or stories told that you might not agree with. My hope has always been to read far and wide. Please note that not all thoughts represented in these books are the belief(s) of Coastline but are the authors own thoughts. We are seeking to grow and learn during this time from others. If you are curious about a certain book, reply to this email and let's talk about it.

Divided by Faith

Consuming Jesus: Beyond Race and Class Divisions in a Consumer Church

Be the Bridge: Pursuing God's Heart for Racial Reconciliation

Woke Church

Just Mercy 

The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness

Small Great Things: A Novel 

A Movie to watch 
Just Mercy (Currently free for Amazon Prime customers)
https://amzn.to/3hYJfCA

For Families
ARTICLE: Four Questions to Ask Yourself Before Talking to Your Kids About Racism

Sermon:

Mark 14:1-26 Small Group Questions

Our church is currently studying the book of Mark. For twenty-eight weeks we're walking through the book and talking about the action-packed story of Jesus. Mark was more concerned with what Jesus did than what Jesus said. For this series I volunteered to write the small group questions that go along with each sermon. It seemed like a waste to leave them in a file on my computer and not share them with everyone. If you missed the sermon you can find it at the end of this post.

Small Group Questions ::: Sacrificial Love ::: Mark 14:1-26

The life of many can revolved around food. In some countries there is an abundance and in some countries there will never be enough. In Mark 14:1-26 we come upon two stories that revolved around a meal. The first meal took place at Simon the leper’s home. It is a meal where we see sacrificial love for Jesus expressed. The second meal is the Passover meal. The Passover meal was a reminder for God’s people that they had been freed from slavery and redeemed for the Lord. At this meal we will see sacrificial love for Jesus.

1) In the sermon Doug asked us how our life will be described by others. Take some time and share with each other how you see God working in the lives of each other. Now share an area you want to grow in so people will know you by that.

2) Read Mark 14:3-9. This woman came and anointed Jesus with a very expensive perfume. What is something costly that you can give to Jesus during this global pandemic? What is something you can give to others to show the love of Jesus?

3) Some think this woman is Mary, the sister of Lazarus (see John 12:3). This woman anointed Jesus out of thankfulness. Go around your small group and share some of the things you are thankful for your in life (Psalm 7:17, 106:1, 118:29).

4) Jesus encouraged generosity to the poor (read Deuteronomy 15:11). In Scripture we see the call for Christians to give (Psalm 82:3, Proverbs 14:31, Matthew 5:3, and Acts 9:36) What does Scripture teach us about caring for the poor? What holds you back from giving to others, neighbors, or the church?

5) Read Mark 14:12-16. The disciples gathered to share the passover meal together. Read Exodus 12 to gain an understanding of what the passover meal is. Discuss the similarity of the blood on the doorpost to the blood of Jesus being shed.

6) Jesus knew the cross awaited Him. Unlike the lamb in the Old Testament, Jesus knew what His fate would be. Read Mark 14:22-25. Talk about how Jesus was motivated by love to go to the cross. (You might want to Celebrate the Lord’s supper)

7) In our passage we see two acts motivated by love. Read what Jesus said in John 15:13. Talk about what Jesus did so we could have life.

Close your time in prayer. Pray specifically for your Plus One at Easter

Daniel Chapter 8- Small Group Questions

Our church is currently studying the book of Daniel. For ten-weeks we're walking through the book and talking about living a courageous life. For this series I volunteered to write the small group questions that go along with each sermon. It seemed like a waste to leave them in a file on my computer and not share them with everyone.

Small Group Questions
Beyond Understanding
Daniel 8

Daniel now shares his second vision, and once more we read that animals are employed to symbolize empires. God’s people also needed to be warned of another crisis that would come in less than four hundred years after Daniel’s lifetime—the persecutions of a madman named Antiochus IV Epiphanes (175–163 b.c.).  His reign would be one of the most horrible periods of time for those who trust God. Thankfully God knew that for that brief, but dark period, His people would need hope that things will get better.

1) Why do you think God spoke so often in visions in Daniel’s time but that it doesn’t seem to happen any more?

2) Read Daniel 8:1-2. Daniel says that he was taken to Susa in the vision. Pastor Neal said that Susa was the new capital city for the Medo-Persian empire. Why do you think Cyrus moved his kingdom 200 miles to the south?

3) Read 2 Chronicles 36:22-23 and Isaiah 45:13. Both of these passages explain that God put Cyrus in his role. Name some people in politics who God has used without them knowing it.

4) Read Daniel 8:14. Do you think reference of 2300 evenings and mornings means 2300 days or 1150 days? Does that time period make a significant difference on history?

5) In Daniel 8 there are a number of angelic beams represented. Read Hebrews 13:2 and talk about how we are constantly surrounded by angels. If we are surrounded by angels, does this mean there are demons lurking about too?

6) Read Daniel 8:15-18. Through this interaction we see how much God cares for His people. We read that when Daniel was terrified, God sent an angel to comfort him. In what practical way(s) do you need God to comfort you this week?

7) In the latter half of Daniel 8 we read about how Antiochus outlawed anything regarding the practices of Judaism. If that happened today, how would you take the message of Jesus underground and share your faith?  

Close your time in prayer

Don’t believe the cover up

Yesterday we celebrated Easter. At our church we looked at Matthew 18:1-15 and talked about how Jesus rose from the dead. Now I understand that not everyone believes this statement (and I'm comfortable with that). For many years I lived my life in contrast to the commands of God. Take the next four minutes and think about the cover up of Jesus' resurrection.

After the women leave the Roman soldiers wake up (read Matthew 28:11-15).  They go into the city to meet with the religious leaders and tell them everything. Imagine these soldiers walking into the room and saying, “You’re not going to believe what happened!”

The religious leaders wanted to minimize the impact that Jesus had on this world but the grave couldn’t hold Him down. A stone, a seal and some soldiers couldn’t stop the plans of God. The soldiers had to fess up that Jesus wasn't in the tomb and that an angel came and rolled the stone away so we could see the grave was empty.

Look at the length the Bible tells us the religious leaders went to try cover up the resurrection of Jesus. If you don’t think that Jesus rose from the dead, let me ask you a few questions.

If the soldiers were sleeping how did they know it was the disciples who stole Jesus’ body? History tells us that Roman soldiers were trained to take on up to three men at a time. One man was able to overpower three men. The disciples were teenage fisherman when they met Jesus, they were in no way trained or prepared to take on these men who stood guard.

Even if the soldiers did admit to sleeping on the job, why weren’t they executed? The standard punishment for sleeping on the job was execution. Even if they did doze off, these men were trained to sleep lightly and would have woken at the first sound. The body was missing on Sunday morning and these guys drive into work Monday morning with brand new cars. Everyone in town had to wonder what was really taking place here.

We need to shed light into the truth of the resurrection because people have believed this lie for way too long. We hear stories all the time about fake news, this might be where journalist learned to lie about the news. We know people are willing to go to great lengths to make their company look good. Think about the situation with UBER last year. Uber said that in late 2016 it paid hackers $100,000 to destroy data on more than 57 million customers and drivers stolen from the company and they decided not to report the matter to victims or authorities. They went to great lengths to hide their mistake and this is what the Jewish leaders did. In the sum total we can conclude, the whole cover up is a bad cover up. The cover up is like saying, “My dog ate my homework.”

The day after Easter 2018 might be the day you logically grasp the resurrection of Jesus!

A story about a meeting in hell

Dr. Clarence Macartney told a story about a meeting in hell.

Satan called his four leading demons together and commanded them to think up a new lie that would trap more souls. “I have it!” one demon said. “I’ll to earth and tell people there is no God.” “It will never work,” said Satan. “People can look around and see there is a God.”

“I’ll go and tell them there is no heaven!” suggested a second demon, “But Satan rejected that idea. “Everybody knows there is life after death and they want to go to heaven.”

“Let’s tell them there is no hell!” said a third demon. “No, conscience tells them their sins will be judged,” said the Devil. “We need a better lie than that.”

Quietly, the fourth demon spoke. “I think I’ve solved your problem,” he said. “I’ll go to earth and tell everybody there is no hurry.”

It’s easy to fall into this lie that there is no hurry to share the truth of Christ. It’s easy to fall into the lie that someone else will tell you friends, neighbors and family about Christ. It’s also easy to fall into the lie that you can wait to make a decision to follow Jesus. Today is the day to look for the opportunity to share your faith.

Let me tell you, there is a hurry to tell people about Jesus. Our church has been studying the book of Acts and The Apostle Paul was ready to share his faith throughout this book in the Bible. He models to us the need to be ready to share the hope of Christ. He was ready in season and out of season. He shared the truth in the synagogue, the marketplace, temple and the courtroom. If you’re ready to share the hope of Christ, God will give you opportunities.

In just four Sunday’s from today we will celebrate Easter (not just at my church but at your church and in your city). We’re taking a giant step of faith and adding a second service for seven weeks (pray for us). There are many people who are in no hurry to make a decision about Christ but I'm inviting you to make a hurry about it. Today is a great day to be ready to share the love of Christ.

Use the template that Paul used in Acts 26 to share your faith:
1) Talk about your life before Christ
2) How you met Christ
3) What changed in your life afterwards

A pastors thought's on Las Vegas

November 2004 I put San Diego in my rear view mirror and headed for Las Vegas. I was an engaged young man who would be married in six weeks to the love of my life. We bought our first home in Vegas. God gave us two children while we served in Las Vegas. I was ordained into ministry at South Hills Church Community and cut my teeth as a young pastor. After eight years of ministry God called us back to California but my heart stayed with so many people who touched my life.

October 1, 2017 I woke up to see what I never expected. My wife said: "Did you hear there was a shooting in Vegas?" I grabbed my phone and already had text messages. One message said: "Drew Bodillo’s sister, Karessa has been shot at Vegas event. Per Ric Royce. I’ll keep you updated."

I was shocked...

I jumped on Facebook to make sure our friends were ok. I read stories of people who had been at the concert and their account. There initial comments of hearing gun fire and seeing what they've seen rocked me. I started texting friends making sure they were ok. I barely read my Bible but more prayed and scrolled and texted that morning.

As I've talked with friends and pastors who are still in Vegas I am still in shock at what occurred. I can't imagine what the scene must have been like. My intention here is not to discuss that scene but to share about the Vegas I know, the Vegas that is gathering around the community to love their neighbor. The Vegas that is seeking God during a tough time. The Vegas that is strong, caring and loves everyone!

If you look on Instagram or Facebook you will see that Vegas is united. People are praying together, people are giving, kids are writing thank you cards to first responders, churches are opening their doors, college students are buying blankets for people, lines are wrapped around buildings to give blood and Vegas is united.

I know there are dozens of ways you can help during this tough time. As you think about Vegas will you do one of the three things:
1) Give blood to help out
2) Donate to someone's "GoFund Me" account (this link directly helps Vegas)
3) Pray for Vegas

This weekend I'm praying that Vegas churches will be packed this weekend. I'm praying for believers to be ready to share their faith. I'm praying for families to find hope in a confusing time. I'm praying for pastors to be strong in this difficult time. I'm praying for the Holy Spirit to use what one man intended for evil to turn into good for the Kingdom of God. Will you join me in that prayer?

Young Adults Teaching Series- Love Story

Each year I enjoy teaching a series, for young people, that focuses on love in one way or another. When I was a High School Pastor we would alternate years from teaching about love in general to teaching about love in relationships. It seems to always be a hit when you teach about sex in the church; people are curious and want to know what you have to say and what the Bible has to say.

Let me tell about the teaching series we just completed in our Young Adults Ministry. Here is the series overview and a quick overview of the series that I shared with all the people who would be teaching:

Love Story is a five-week teaching series designed to help Young Adults understand what God says about: love, sex, dating and relationships. The series is designed to build on itself to help people grow in their understanding of God’s truth. Some people may have never heard these passages preached. Some people know these passages well. Some people are living contrary what God’s Word instructs. Some people have a legalistic view of love based on an experience earlier in life. The truth of God is radically different than what our world says about these topics. Our main objective is to the teach the Word of God with grace and love in this series. We have an opportunity to help people grow in their walk with Christ through these five weeks.

Here is a broad overview of the series:

Week 1 (February 2, 2017)
Main Text: 1 Corinthians 13:1-4

Week 2  (February 9, 2017)
Main Text: Ephesians 5:21-33

Week 3  (February 16, 2017)
Main Text: 1 Corinthians 6:12-20

Week 4  (February 23, 2017)
Main Text: John 8

Week 5  (March 2, 2017)
Main Text: Matthew 22:37-39

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Current Statistics on Love, Marriage, Divorce and Sex

Tonight we started a new series in our Young Adults ministry. For five weeks we're going to be studying: love, marriage, sex, purity and the forgiveness of God as it relates to relationships. Tonight I started the series out and talked about love. To help explain love in God's terms I preached from 1 Corinthians:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a

We need to reshape our thoughts on love. We live in a sex saturated culture. All you have to do is look online, at a magazine or turn on the TV. Take these ads for example, what is being sold?




These are just two ads that I showed tonight. I think that in our sex saturated culture we've lost the true meaning of love. This leads to our need to reshape our thoughts on love because it's not leading us to a healthy place.

The reason we need to reshape our thoughts and actions is because what we’ve been sold isn’t helping. Let me share some quick statistics on marriage, divorce and sex. Let’s start out with sex. The average person is loosing their virginity now at age 17. A recent survey found for people between the ages of 20-59 found that the average woman has had four sex partners in their lifetime, while the average man has had an average of 7. At least 50 percent of sexually active men and women will have a genital HPV infection at some point in their lives (see this article for stats).

As these statistics relate to marriage, it’s not a shock that more and more people are practicing cohabitation before marriage. I’m sure we all know of a couple who lived together before marriage or has lived with a person of the opposite gender at some point. Cohabitation is the new norm. By the time they’re 20, 1 in 4 women ages 15 to 44 in the U.S. have lived with a man, and by the time they’re 30, that ratio climbs to 3 in 4, the new study shows. 1 out of every 5 women who commit to cohabitation for the first time become pregnant within the first 12 months of their decision. People who choose cohabitation are more likely to come from a home that experienced at least one divorce, which automatically puts them into a higher risk category (see this article for stats and this article).

This is a good transition to recent studies on divorce. It seems that the divorce rate is a hard one to nail down in the US because there are so many different factors that contribute to divorce. I think that many of you know that my parents divorced when I was about 3 years old. And it was tough growing up in a broken home. Current studies show that about 40-50% of marriages will end in divorce. The divorce rate for second marriages is significantly higher averaging around 63%. The divorce rate for third marriages skyrockets to 73%. According to some research, up to 85% of the couples that commit to cohabitation will either break-up or divorce by the end of 10 years.

All of this can seem like the future is bleak but I was to present quite the opposite to you. All of this is bleak if you don’t have Christ in your life. Now I’m not saying that because a person lives their life for Christ that they all get married, not have premarital sex, never get a STD or have a divorce. I am saying that a person who is fully surrendered to Christ, seeking to live a life of love and focusing on living a healthy life can experience a life filled with love.

Twelve Thoughts on Twelve Years of Marriage

Charity and I have been married for 12 years!
We’ve been married for 144 months.
Another way to say it is 4380 days.
It equals out to 105120 hours of marriage.

A lot can happen in 12 years. We’ve lived in four houses, two cities and worked at five different jobs (combined). We’ve had three children, two dogs, numerous fish, one bird, one mouse, one turtle and a hermit crab. We’ve had eight different cars. I’ve had two different dirt bikes.

I’ve never talked with someone about marriage and heard them say, “Well I hope this one works out.” or “If this marriage doesn’t work out, I’ll try again.” When we went into marriage we knew this was a “to death do us part commitment.”

In our time of marriage we’ve had the privilege of helping other couples prepare for marriage. When I look back on the last twelve years here are twelve thoughts on marriage that I want to pass on to others:

1. Communicate well
I remember one time while Charity and I were doing premarital counseling with a couple. During our conversation one of the people said: "you must fight well."  In a healthy marriage you need to know how to communicate well. Think about timing, tone and what you're going to say.

2. Celebrate often
Charity and I celebrate often. Celebrate your anniversary every year. Celebrate birthdays and be joyful together.

3. Travel with each other
We love to adventure together! Traveling can be stressful but it’s a great way to make memories with your spouse!


4. Go on a regular date
This has been huge for us. When we were first married it was date day; we would take Monday as a whole day with each other. When we had Sophie we moved to date night. Now, we do date morning. It doesn’t matter when you go on a date, the goal is to keep dating your spouse.


5. Serve your spouse
Think of things that would make your spouse excited! Serve them and help him/her out in a special way.

6. Don’t hide your love
Write notes, send text messages and say “I love you” often!


7. Buy your wife flowers
More than just on special occasions. Charity loves flowers! I enjoy getting her flowers, as a surprise, and seeing her face.

8. Let your spouse go on trips that fill them up
Plan ahead, say yes and help them out. Let him/her go on trips that with friends or just a trip that you know will encourage them.


9. Eat dinner together (preferably at the kitchen table)
We do our best to never eat on the couch. And make sure the TV is off.

10. Do life with others
Have other married couples in your life who speak truth to you. Think about how much fun it is when others help you become the best spouse you can be!

11. Have a recreation you enjoy 
This is a place we lack. We keep trying to find something to do together and lately it’s been hiking.


12. Surprise your spouse every now and then 
Surprise him/her in a good way. Bring them treat home, write a cute note or plan a fun date.

What would you add to this list?

Do I really have to love my neighbor?

Loving others is a repeated command in the Bible. I think it's repeated because we are so prone to forget. We wake up with good intentions to love others and then we get stuck in traffic and end up flipping off the car next to us. We enter the office with good intentions of being kind to our co-workers but someone doesn't complete a part of the project and we think oh how we'd like to strangle them. We enter our home with good intentions of loving our family but our selfishness gets in the way. In the book of Romans Paul gives this instruction to the church in Rome:

Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law. Romans 13:10

It makes perfect sense for Paul to instruct the church in love. Over time Christ followers can grow inward and forget about loving their neighbor. Just think about that real quick. When as the last time you actively loved your neighbor? We all know neighbors can be difficult. We can also be difficult neighbors. Some of you have neighbors, in your apartment building, who play the music too loud. Instead of loving them you curse them. You may have a neighbor who allows her dog to do its business in your front yard. What about that neighbor who always park in front of your house when it is clearly your space! These are just a few examples.

Loving your neighbors can be a tricky thing. You see this in Scripture but don’t always apply it. Let me share a few ways you can actively love your neighbor this week.

1)  Smile at them
Smiles break down walls.

2)  Introduce yourself to them
Start out by learning their name. This helps to make them a real person who is known and loved.

3) Engage them in a conversation
When you see them in the hallway, outside or walking on the sidewalk. Its amazing where God can lead unplanned conversations with your neighbor.

4) Think of ways to serve them
Think of what would be meaningful to them and then do it!

You have to start somewhere in loving your neighbor, why not start today? If you are a Christ follower you are not given an option on loving others. I resonate with what C.S. Lewis says on this topic, “Do not waste time bothering whether you "love" your neighbor; act as if you did.”

You may not want to love your neighbor. You may have valid reasons not to love your neighbor. If you are a Christian, you are commanded to love your neighbor so start acting like you do.

11 Years of Marriage

On January 7, 2005 I married my best friend!

We met as interns at Eastlake Church in South San Diego
I asked her to marry me on the beach in Carlsbad
We got married in Encinitas
Two days later we immediately moved to Vegas to serve at South Hills
We had two kids
Moved to San Mateo to serve at CPC
Just had another kid
And celebrated 11 years of marriage!

When I look back on our lives there are too many thoughts to write down here but here are a few I'd like to share.

We've traveled

I was trying to do the math on how much we've been blessed to be able to travel together. Here is what I came up with so far:
We've visited 6 different countries (Mexico, Canada, Burkina Faso, Italy, Jamaica, The Bahamas)
Set foot on three continents together (North America, Europe and Africa)
Traveled to 12 states (California, Nevada, Utah, Arizona, Oregon, Washington, Florida, New York, Atlanta, Pennsylvania, New Jersey and Hawaii)

And this year we  celebrated our anniversary in beautiful Half Moon Bay, CA. We stayed at Oceano hotel and had dinner at Flavor. It was a great time to hang out, chat and enjoy our marriage. We took some time to look back on life and thank God for all we've been able to do together.

We've laughed
One of the things we've done most together is to laugh. Sure we have our times where we disagree on things but we'd rather laugh together. Sometimes we laugh at each other for silly things we've done. Sometimes we laugh at movies. Sometimes we laugh at the crazy things our kids say or the silly decisions we've made but we sure do laugh a lot and that has kept us in good spirits!

We've multiplied
We were reminded of this fact again this year because we brought our little Isaiah with us on the trip. For the most part he did really well and is the best third wheel ever. We have been very blessed to have children in our youth. We have friends who have struggled with pregnancy and experienced infertility. We are so thankful for the children God has given us!

Thanks for all the fun times Charity! Looking forward to many more.

Love Does /// Book Review

Title: Love Does

Author: Bob Goff

Pages: 224

Publisher: Thomas Nelson

Recommend: Yep, read it

Quotable: "I've realized that I used to be afraid of failing at the things that really mattered to me, but now I'm more afraid of succeeding at the things that don't matter." Page 30

My good friend told me about this book he was reading.  Every week when we met he would talk about how amazing the book was; so obviously I bought it.  In the first Chapter Bob caught my attention with his unique ability of story telling.  Honestly, I didn't believe what he wrote to be true.  I thought to myself: "there is no way anyone lives like this."  As I kept reading it became clear that Bob Goff lives like that.

Bob shares some great stories about how people impacted his life for Jesus and how he, in turn, has impacted others life's for Jesus.  The book is so good Charity ended up reading it to me while we had a get-a-way to Tahoe a few months ago.

Bob's stories have encouraged me to live more "open handedly".  Growing up in a home where money was tight I've constantly struggled with money.  After reading Love Does I'm leaving more encouraged to be the person God has called me to be, to be more open handed in life and to be ready to go on the adventures God has put right in front of me.  I'm not going to be perfect but I'm sure going to keep my eyes open to be a part of what God is doing around me!

I can't give you too much but I can encourage you to buy the book, read it and then let's have a coffee and talk about it!

Happy Halloween {2012}

New City, New Costume, New Neighborhood, Same Candy, Lots of Fun

That could describe what Halloween looked like for us this year.

This Halloween we spent with our great friends The Halls!  We went over to their house for some yummy dinner and then hit the streets to get our fair share of the candy that was to be had.  The weather held up for the most part but towards the end of our adventure it began to drizzle on us some.

Normally I haven't dressed up for Halloween but this year it changed.  Sophie dressed up as a lady bug and Charity chose to be a lady bug too.  Leah already had her Ariel (the little Mermaid) costume so I wanted to do something that could help me connect with her.  I decided to be a fisherman who was trying to catch a mermaid!  We had the best time with our friends going around the block.  Leah rode in her stroller while Sophie ran around with the big kids.  I had a great time shouting: "I'm a fisherman and I'm going to catch you mermaid" to which Leah would respond" "You can't catch me.  I'm in my stroller."

As for Me and My [Crazy] House: Book Review

Book Title: As for Me and My [Crazy] House

Author: Brian Berry

Pages: 154

Publisher: Group Publishing

Recommendation: Read it Now!

Favorite Quote: "So how about you? Did you sign up for the marriage you're living? If not, it's time to rethink some stuff and remind yourself that the best gift you can give your kids is not whatever they want, but the marriage they don't know that they desperately need you to have." (page 84)

This was one of the books that I bought while I was still working on seminary and thought I wouldn't get to until I finished.  Once this book arrived at our home Charity picked it up and started reading it; her enthusiasm for the book sparked my interest to begin reading it while writing my final paper (it was better than what I HAD to read).  There are books you read because you have to and books you read because they speak to your soul; this book spoke to my soul in a much needed way.

If you read my blog last week you will see how important this book was to me; it honestly came a critical time in my life.  I started this book before I graduated seminary but finished it on the plane ride to Hawaii.  It was cool reading it on the plane and reading how Brian affirms the need for family vacation (page 135) it made me feel like I was doing something right in the chaos of my own life.  I am pretty sure that the cover talks mentions youth ministry but I am going to just say that this book is a must read for anyone in ministry.

The principles that Brian shares are from a man who had tried and tested them; they come from a man who is leading out and doing what he writes!  Here are some quick thoughts: Brian Berry is a stud!  I love Brian, I love his heart for ministry and I love that he is doing ministry in the trenches.  The book is broken into three understandable parts:

1. The best gift I can give my marriage is a healthy self
2. The best gift I can give my family is a healthy marriage
3. The best gift I can give my community and ministry is a healthy family

I am committed to getting this book into the hands of as many people as I possibly can because I believe that what Brian is talking about here can help our communities find and follow Christ.  I really believe that the world is sick of they way they are living and they are looking for men and women to model something new to them.  Its going to take time to implement these aspects into my life but I am committed to making that happen for the health of my family.

Thanks Brian.