Leadership Quality-Humillity

Earlier this year I wrote on the four indispensable qualities of a leader.

When you look at good leaders you find they have three of these qualities. They are good communicators, are administrative and relational. But if you are looking for a great leader they are going to line up these qualities in such a way to have humility stuck right in the middle to hold their leadership together.

When I asked my friend Nick Takiyama to draw this diagram I had sketched on my white board for me I loved the end product. The area of overlap could have been much larger. The area representing humility could have covered more ground and allowed for more people to fit into the model.

But it doesn't. The number of leaders who hold all four of these qualities is quite small (please note: I'm not saying I hold all four).

There are a handful of people that I can think of that truly posses the quality of humility in leadership along with the other three. When you've met someone who possesses all four you don't forget them. Let me share how you might know you're talking with a person who has all four.

How you feel when you leave the conversation

When you leave the conversation with a humble person you feel better about yourself. In my experience, humble people ask provoking, thoughtful and meaningful questions. They want to truly understand what is occurring in your life. They care more about knowing what is happening in your life than talking about themselves.

This is another key factor. I've found that humble talk about themselves way less. They are not quick to tell you how amazing they are. They are not quick to talk about how big their church is. They are not quick to talk about all the things they've accomplished in the last five years. When you're sitting with them, you probably know the answers to some of these subjects but they are not likely to start the conversation in that direction.

About a year ago I met another man who possesses all these qualities. God has called us both to full-time, vocational, ministry. He has served at some great churches, done some great things for the Lord and is well known. When I met him he was so encouraging. He took me to breakfast and it was getting a shot of encouragement right in the arm. He shared ideas that I could considered, he asking thoughtful questions about the new church I was serving in. He gave me principles to implement that would help our church reach more people for Jesus. When I left that breakfast I felt so encouraged!

The focus is not on them

Part of the reason I think humble people make others feel encouraged is because they don't want the spot light on them. It's not that humble people don't think about themselves, it's just that they think about theirselves less. Humble think about themselves, they have just learned to think about themselves less. They don't think they are stupid or worthless. They know their value. They know they are created by God and have a purpose on this world. Their purpose is to help more people know what God created them for.

I'm reminded of the life of Moses as this stage in the conversation. Moses was born in Egypt. His parents are Jewish. Pharaoh made an edict that all Jewish, male, babies were to be killed.

God spared Moses life and he was raised in the home of Pharaoh (that is a turn of events!). Moses received a great training, had all this privilege but never forgot his roots. After killing a man, he lived in the desert for forty years. Then God called Moses to lead the Israelites out of Egypt and to the promised land.

Moses spent time with God. Moses listened to God. Moses didn't make it about him. Moses longed for point the glory to God. God's word tells us that Moses was "Now Moses was a very humble man, more humble than anyone else on the face of the earth." (Numbers 12:3). I don't think Moses wrote that line.

Part of being a humble person means the focus is not on you. The concern is with helping others. The concern is with a greater cause, something that will leave a legacy for years to come.

Humble people build you up

When I share about the guy who took me to breakfast and Moses there is a common thread: Humble people build others up. Moses invested his life in many leaders but one in particular. Moses spent time with Joshua and built him up. There are countless leaders who've invested in my life in the last two decades. Brett drove 30-40 mins to pick me up so I could go to church with him. Doug spent time with me at lunch so I could improve my preaching. Bill taught me about time management and putting my family first. Rod spent time with me working on sermons. Mark cared about me as a father and leader. These are just some people who stick out to me while I'm writing this.

Who can you start building up? This is a question I constantly ask myself. I am getting older (some of you are laughing) but I want this to be a priority to my life now. For almost a decade I was blessed to work with students. Our goal was to always build them up. Now that I work primarily with adults I want to do the same. I want to build others. I want people to leave feeling care for.

This whole post started because of Silvio. Silvio took me to lunch and we wrote this on a napkin. Silvio falls into the category of humility. He leads a large company, serves faithfully in the local church, spends time with his family, and cared enough to help a young campus pastor.

Christ Followers are Courageous

Paul begins his second letter to Timothy with his typical greeting and then encourages Timothy to remain strong; or be courageous (2 Timothy 1:6-7). Isn’t it usually the other way around? Normally its the person on the outside encouraging the person in jail to be courageous. But this isn’t the case with Paul. He wants Timothy to remain strong in his faith.

History tells us that Timothy was a timid man, it was in his nature to be more reserved. Therefore Paul specifically reminds Timothy to fan into flame the gift of God. This phrase is a rekindling the embers of a flame. The ember isn’t dead, it just needs to be revived. It comes from the Greek word ἀναζωπυρεῖν (anazōpyren). It’s a verb and the tense it’s written in requires action to be done. This is the only time we see it used in the entire Bible. Paul is commanding Timothy to fan his spiritual flame. The text doesn’t suggest Timothy had let his spiritual flame die out. Paul was encouraging Timothy not to let his faith, mentioned in verse 5, die out.

Are you taking spiritual growth seriously? Is your spiritual ember growing weak? Rekindling a spiritual flame involves prayer, obedience to God’s word and taking risks for your faith. It looks like listening more to the voice of God and less to the noise around you. This may be exactly the encouragement some of you need right now.

Your faith is still an ember, its not dead, but it may be endanger of dying. Sadly, you have neglected your prayer life and your soul is left parched. It’s become difficult to think of the last time you opened God’s word and allowed it to feed your soul; you have been left spiritually hungry. Because of this lack of prayer and time in God’s word your faith is weak. Take courage as a Christ follower this morning and fan into flame the spiritual ember living inside you.

Paul is encouraging Timothy in ways we would expect a seasoned pastor to. By rekindling the flame his courage in the Gospel would be increased. It reminds me of what God said to Joshua after Moses passed away.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

This is similar to what Paul is telling Timothy. The courage stems from the power of the Holy Spirit working in his life. The love of the Holy Spirit was given, by God, to provide the support to have courage when he thought it was impossible. Have you ever experienced this? Have you seen God give you courage when you’ve felt timid?

Fifteen years ago my life was a mess. I was attending my court mandated DUI class in San Diego trying to figure out life. Across the room from me there was this guy in class who always talked about God and the Lord. I knew God growing up but I didn’t expect to find Him mentioned in a DUI class! Well one day I was leaving class. As I walked out of the door this man said; “My name is Brett. If you keep doing what you’re doing you’re going to be dead in five years. Do you want to go to church with me this weekend?” I was a little shocked, I’m not sure that’s the best evangelism line to use on someone, but he was right.

That Sunday Brett picked me up for church. He drove thirty minutes to get me and then we drove thirty minutes back to the church he attended. This went on for almost an entire year. On the car ride we talked about everything; sobriety, purity, reading God’s word, work, school and food.

Brett was the first guy to disciple me, I didn’t know he was discipling me but he was and it was because he had the courage to invite me to attend church. Brett isn’t a pastor. He never went to seminary. He is just a normal guy who had the guts to invite a messed up kid to church. I like what Billy Graham says:

“Courage is contagious. When a brave man takes a stand, the spines of others are often stiffened.” 

I imagine Timothy perking up in his chair reading this letter from Paul.

Now I’m not suggesting you leaving here and getting a DUI so you can meet broken people at DUI school. You could probably think of a few people, who are already in your life, that you could be a little more courageous with. It might be a family member who you can encourage to fan the flame in their life. It might be a friend you met at the gym who shared they used to go to church but have slowly walked away. As Christ followers it’s our responsibility to be courageous and encourage each other. If your spiritual ember is not dead, fan it into flame and respond to the call to help others do the same.

4 indispensable leadership qualities of a leader

While serving in the Bay Area I had the privilege of working with a great man named Silvio. Silvio was a leader in our Usher ministry and honestly could have been my boss for all the wisdom that man has. On a regular basis we would get lunch to stay connected. I usually left the meals feeling like I was poured into more than he was. He was leading a company, spoke multiple languages, loved the Lord with all his heart, had a great marriage and two wonderful kids. I wanted to be more like him.

One time, while having a meal together, Silvio told me that I was a great leader. He said something like, "You're a clear communicator, have organizational ability and are very relational. Neal, you are the kind of the leader the church needs." I as thrilled to hear these words but wanted to talk more about the topic of great leadership with him.

We continued on this topic for much of our lunch. We talked about guys who are very administrative but are tough to relate to. There are guys who are so relational that they forget to organize the details of their day. Then you have guys who are the best communicators but seem like they can't relate to others, they walk off stage and it's tough to connect with them.

The more we talked about this, the more I got to thinking. I wrote this out on my white board in the office. I started it as a list, something like this:
1) Communicator
2) Administrative
3) Relational

Then it hit me, the way it needed to look was like this:

I called Silvio and told him about the vendiagram. What the church world needed to add to this was humility. I talked to my good friend Nick and asked him if he would draw this up for me real quick. He is a wiz and it took him no time at all. The circles overlap. When you get a guy who lines them up just right you get humility to fall in the center.

Over the next week or two I want to write more about each of these topics as they relate to leadership.

7 Questions with Rob Hall

Rob Hall is a Christ follower, husband, father and pastor. Rob grew up in Hayward, CA (the East Bay) and currently lives in San Fransisco. Rob is married to Missy and they have three wonderful children who I've been able to know for almost their whole lives. Rob is the Lead Pastor at New North Church. Rob has a passion to see people who are far from God draw near to God by forming a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

Rob and I met back in 2003 and started serving together in Henderson, NV in November 2004. Rob is one of the founding pastors of South Hills Church Community and actually hired me to be the Junior High Pastor there in 2004 (you should ask him about the picture I sent in with my resume). In 2012 I joined the staff of Central Peninsula Church where both served as Campus Pastors. Rob is one of my best friends in life. We've served the Lord together, laughed together, encouraged each other and traveled internationally together and through all that we still love each other! I'm so thankful that Rob took the time to answer these questions and I hope they help you in life and personal growth!

1. You’ve just started a new church in a city desperately in need of God. What do you find most exciting about this call from God?

The Bay Area is a crazy but wonderful place. As the center of the tech world, this is the place for innovation. In fact, every major company in the world has an office here. It's arguably the most strategic place in the world to do ministry. For me, I love being able to influence influencers. It’s also the least churched metro area in the country. For those reasons, God has us here.

2. Doing ministry in California is far from life in the Bible Belt. What do you find most inspiring about being a pastor in the Bay Area?

Everyday I am inspired by the beauty of the place and the beauty of the people I get to serve. The place-ocean, cities, trails, fishing, close to Napa and Tahoe, food, etc. This is home to world class everything. The people-diverse, smart, driven, successful, broken and lost. Love it all.

3. Headlines seem to be full with pastors who’s marriages are falling apart. What is one thing you do to keep your marriage strong and fresh? 

My wife and I have been married for 15 wonderful years. We’ve had lots of ups and downs, but we’ve been committed to several things: dates, counseling, and transparency. We love to date each other. We have both together and separate, seen Christian counselors. We are committed to living our lives as authentic and transparent as we can. Our church and our small group knows we are two imperfect people, trying our best to love God and love people.

4. About five years ago you decided to adopt your youngest son. When a couple comes to you asking advice about adoption what is one thing you would tell them?

Count ALL the costs. It is wonderful, but will take an emotional toll on you, your marriage and your family. Go in, eyes wide open. However, we believe God calls us to do HARD THINGS all the time and adoption is a calling. Not all Christians are called to adopt, but we are all called to play a part in the process (pray, give, support, etc.).

5. There are many men who don’t have a life outside their work and family. What is one hobby you enjoy doing and that fills you up?

I love, love, love, riding my motorcycle. It brings me great joy! But, I dropped it in an accident recently! Yikes. Thankfully I am ok but the bike is not. So, back to fishing I go!

6. How would you describe your current sports teams and your excitement or lack of excitement for them?  

What do I need to say? Championship rings speak for themselves! Giants-3, Warriors-2, and Niners-5! Boom!

7. If you could give your 20 year old self one piece of advice what would if be?

Learn how to pray earlier and actually pray lots more.

Make sure to follow Rob on Twitter, Instagram and go check out New North next time you're in the Bay Area!

Isaiah's First Birthday

This weekend we celebrated Isaiah's first birthday!

My first thought is, "I can't believe my son is 1!"

We had such a fun weekend. Family came into town. Friends came to celebrate. We got a bounce house. It was great being with our family for this special weekend. Isaiah is such a great kid. He is so full of joy.

As I look back on his party I am reminded what a great mom and great sisters Isaiah has. At his party his sisters wanted to be right there when he got his first cupcake. They sang happy birthday to him. Leah kicked off the singing with so much love. When he tired to grab the candle, Sophie was right there to protect him.


Charity made his party so awesome. She took so much time to make sure there was a rocket theme. She asked our neighbor to make a special shirt for him to wear. She had great snacks. When I look back on this party I think about how blessed Isaiah is to have his mommy. She cares so deeply for him and loves him so much.

Isaiah has been such a blessing to our lives. The smile on his face shows how awesome he is!

11 Years of Marriage

On January 7, 2005 I married my best friend!

We met as interns at Eastlake Church in South San Diego
I asked her to marry me on the beach in Carlsbad
We got married in Encinitas
Two days later we immediately moved to Vegas to serve at South Hills
We had two kids
Moved to San Mateo to serve at CPC
Just had another kid
And celebrated 11 years of marriage!

When I look back on our lives there are too many thoughts to write down here but here are a few I'd like to share.

We've traveled

I was trying to do the math on how much we've been blessed to be able to travel together. Here is what I came up with so far:
We've visited 6 different countries (Mexico, Canada, Burkina Faso, Italy, Jamaica, The Bahamas)
Set foot on three continents together (North America, Europe and Africa)
Traveled to 12 states (California, Nevada, Utah, Arizona, Oregon, Washington, Florida, New York, Atlanta, Pennsylvania, New Jersey and Hawaii)

And this year we  celebrated our anniversary in beautiful Half Moon Bay, CA. We stayed at Oceano hotel and had dinner at Flavor. It was a great time to hang out, chat and enjoy our marriage. We took some time to look back on life and thank God for all we've been able to do together.

We've laughed
One of the things we've done most together is to laugh. Sure we have our times where we disagree on things but we'd rather laugh together. Sometimes we laugh at each other for silly things we've done. Sometimes we laugh at movies. Sometimes we laugh at the crazy things our kids say or the silly decisions we've made but we sure do laugh a lot and that has kept us in good spirits!

We've multiplied
We were reminded of this fact again this year because we brought our little Isaiah with us on the trip. For the most part he did really well and is the best third wheel ever. We have been very blessed to have children in our youth. We have friends who have struggled with pregnancy and experienced infertility. We are so thankful for the children God has given us!

Thanks for all the fun times Charity! Looking forward to many more.

Confessions of a Dad: I love my phone too much

"Hey dad, wanna play?"
Looking down at his phone, "Give me one minute, I'm almost done."

Dear Dad,

Look up from your phone for just one minute, I'd like to tell you something. Your kid is only going to be this age once. Tomorrow she will be older. Today she wants to play: Legos, hide and seek, soccer or Go Fish. So why not play with her?

Do you know there is going to be a day that she isn't going to want to play with you. Sure, you'll still have your phone. In fact, it will be an upgraded model with more "cool" stuff. There will be more apps and games for you to play. But she will always be your kid, there is no trading up here.

Let me ask you: "Is what you're doing on there really that important?" I mean, can it wait? Do you really need to check your email every five minutes? Will the posts on Facebook still be there when she is in bed? Is it more important to check Craigslist right now?

Let me give you an example to help you. Walk to your room. While you're walking turn your phone to silent. Look at your dresser, there is tons of room there. Set your phone down, try facedown. Now walk out, leave it there.

I'll stop telling you how to live your life, I can see you're either frustrated with me or get the point. I know being a dad is tough for you but fight for her. She wants to play with you. Remember how big she smiles. Remember how much she laughs. She loves you!

Put your phone down, it can't really be more important than her.

Signed,
Me

This is a letter I wrote to myself and I'm sending to myself. It's not for you, though it may speak to your situation. The letter is for me. I'm sick of stuffing my face in the phone, so it's a reminder I need to focus on my family and what really matters most.

Spending time with my kids: gas station trips

When I was a kid I used to love going to the corner store with my mom. I loved riding my bike there after we ate dinner. It seemed so big. It was like the biggest store in the whole world to the little six year old boy. The ceiling seemed like it was fifty feet high. I would meander up and down the candy isle looking for exactly the right bar to rot my teeth that night.

As our kids have grown we have taken more and more adventures with them. One of their favorites is heading to the local gas station for a treat. The store is a lot smaller to me now and the candy less appealing but the joy I see on my kids face is worth every cent of what I consider to be an overpriced candy bar.

As I think about the progression of these trips today was a big day for us. At first the trip was done with me pushing a double stroller. Charity and I would talk while the kids lounged in their toddler sized lazy boy chair on wheels. We would roll them up to the store where their grubby little hands would grab the treat of their choice.

After the stroller came the scooters. We would scooter to the store to find the hidden treats. Sometimes the ride home consisted of a kid on my shoulders and holding the scooter in my left hand.

Later our kids got balance bikes to help them prepare for bikes with no training wheels. They loved riding those bikes to the gas station. Generally I was walking, casually, behind them as the glided through the big world.

Today we all rode to the gas station…

Yep, we all jumped on our bikes and rode to the gas station. Leah is still rocking her balance bike and boy is she quick! She does need to keep both eyes on the road though! Sophie is pedaling away and she cruises down the street with her hair blowing in the wind. I’m not walking behind them anymore, today I was chasing them on my bike. We all rode to the gas station for a treat.

Now the point isn’t riding bikes, or wind blowing in your hair. The point is to spend time with my kids. The last thing my kids need is another five minutes on their iPad, or to watch another movie. They need to be outside and seeing the great big world. We are making memories as a family. We are preparing for a larger adventure that will take place one day (who knows what it will be, but its waiting for us). We are enjoying each other and smiling as a family. I hope they look back on these memories and enjoy them as much as I do.

A Morning of "Firsts"

This Sunday morning was a morning of "firsts" for me

I feel like I have done most pastoral responsibilities in my life.  I have preached sermons, officiated weddings, helped ordain pastors, preached Easter, baptized people, preached Good Friday, officiated funerals, lead staff meetings, preached Christmas Eve, helped license new pastors and done my fair share of counseling.

This weekend was a weekend of firsts for me as I did my first baby dedications.  I have never done baby dedications before; probably because no one wants the High School Pastor to dedicate their kid and say something dumb.  This weekend I dedicated 5 babies at our church and I'm pretty sure I didn't say anything dumb.  The best thing is I feel like I was able to play a huge role in the lives of these families over the last couple weeks and I hope that continues.

At Central Peninsula Church we are in a series right now called "Come and See".  In this message series we are looking the first twelve chapters of John.  This weekend I preached on John 2:13-25.  Now it wasn't my first time preaching but it was my first time being on video at one of our other campus'.  To be honest I was a bit nervous.

I have never had to be so prepared in my preaching before hand.  I had to make sure to look at the camera, a few times, to help the campus feel engaged.  I had to make sure my jokes were funny (they weren't).  I wanted to make sure the campus felt included.  I did my best to make mention to our South Campus and what God is doing there.  Its fun being a part of one church that meets on three locations!

Here is a link to the message I preached (same morning; second service)

Sophie's 4th Birthday

It really seemed like just the other day we brought Sophie home from the hospital.  For those of you who have known us for a while you know that Sophie had a rough start in life.  See when Sophie was born, August 26th 2008, she has meconium aspiration.  Now that is a big word that most people so its easier to say that right before Sophie was born she pooped and inhaled it into her lungs.  Once she came out the doctor told that she had to spend 2 hours in NICU (Neo-Natal Intensive Care Unit).  Two hours turned into two days which turned into six of the most difficult days of our families life; ever!

Thankfully after that incident we haven't really had any lasting effects with Sophie.  She is a healthy little girl who actually had two birthday parties this year due to our move.  Her Bay Area party included a handful of friends, lots of pizza and a fist-full of tokens to play on some games!  This is to you Sophie; I am blessed to be your dad.  If you read this one day please know that I love you so much!