Confessions of a Pastor: I lied

You read it right.... I lied

Its not just a little lie, its actually a lie I've lived in for the last thirteen years and I need to confess it.

I was an alcoholic.  When I was 19 years old I would throw down an 18 pack, forgot most of what I did that night, wake up, drink a beer on my way to work and do it all over again.  My drinking helped me loose a bunch of friends, forget my dumb choices, make a bunch of horrible choices, total my truck and led me to jail on a few occasions.

On February 14th 2000 I was released from Vista County Jail and that day I made a commitment (plea) to God if He got to me out I would never drink or do drugs again.  As tough as that commitment was I actually did really well... for two months.

Then Spring Break hit and my sister and I went to Mazatlan to visit my uncle who lived down there.  I did really well for the first day but on the second, maybe third, day we were sitting in the bar getting ready for dinner when my uncle ordered a bucket of beers.  As I sat at the table watching everyone else drink a cold beer I couldn't help myself; I really wanted one.  I did pretty well for the first couple minutes but then it happened; I asked for a beer.  My sister looked at me with the look that says: "Don't do it brother, you know where that takes you."  She was right.  She saw how low my addiction had taken me.  She saw me loose everything in a matter of months.  She saw the agony I put my family through.  She saw first hand what my addiction had done to my life and to those I loved.

On April 20th I took a sip of beer, then another.  I had a choice to make that day: would I drink beer again or would I honor my commitment to God?

After two sips I realized that beer had "lost its taste" to me.  It actually repulsed me and I couldn't stand that taste.  I passed my beer on to someone else, repented and haven't consumed an alcoholic beverage in the last (almost) thirteen years.

Now I didn't have to confess this but for most of my Christian walk I have always used February 14th 2000 as my sobriety date.  This came crashing in my face last year when I was invited to get my twelve year chip.  I couldn't take a chip two months early for something I hadn't earned.  It was at that moment I had to confess this but its been weighing on my heart so bad that I needed to get it out and honestly its been pretty tough to get this out since pastors aren't supposed to lie.

I lied

My sobriety date isn't February 14th 2000 but its actually April 20th 2000.  I still look at February 14th as the date God saved me from my life of turmoil but I needed to get the truth out.

Will you please forgive me?

Adding a Third Service

When I arrived at CPC last summer it became clear to me that our church was growing... but we really didn't have any place to sustain this growth.  We had just launched our third campus and our hope was that this would help us reach people more South and free up some seats for us to continue our mission:

"to make and mature more followers of Christ"

Our vision 2020 is to have three 5000 Christ followers worshipping in three permanent locations on the Peninsula.  That means we are trusting God to double our church in the next eight years.

Over the last couple months we have been talking about how to make room for more people to hear about the saving truth of Jesus Christ.  We have shared lots of ideas but the idea that was most realistic was to add a third service here at our Foster City Campus.

Starting Sunday April 7th we are moving to three new service times: 8:00 am, 9:30 am and 11:15 am

Check out this video we created to promote our new times! 

LoveWorks Weekend

I don't know of many churches that are purposefully locking their doors on Sunday morning... to be honest it seems pretty crazy to do something like that right?  I mean for most churches Sunday is the BIG day of the week; its the only day that pastors work so why would someone close a church?

This weekend our church closed the doors and locked them.  We locked the doors of all three of our campus'.

Now before you think we are totally crazy let me tell you why.  For the last number of months a core team of people have been planning an weekend of service called LoveWorks.  I'm pretty sure that we sent over 1500 people into our community to just be the hands and feet of Jesus.

Let me clarify real quick.  We didn't do this to go and recruit more people to our church.  We didn't do it to proselytize the sinners.  We did it because we want to show people that the church is good.  We did it because there are needs in our community.  We did it because we have some rad people who care more about others than their personal time.

Moving to a more personal note I lead a project where we took gift baskets to local Police and Fire Stations.  It was so rad going to Trader Joe's to shop with my kids for the Firemen; they loved picking out items for the gift baskets.

On Saturday afternoon we started baking some yummy treats to put in the baskets for our First Responders

Then on Sunday morning, instead of going to church, 30+ people came to our house to assemble to the baskets for these heroes!

Finally we broke into 4 teams and headed off to one Police Station and seven Fire Stations to deliver the goods!

I wish I could describe what a blessing it was to serve with my family this weekend... but I can't or I may start crying.

Winning Customers Back

Two weeks ago I flew to Chicago.  I have to admit that when I first found out I was flying on United Airlines I was pretty bummed.  In reality it made the most sense to fly United but in the past I haven't had the best experience with United.

Let me share with you.  When I would fly from Vegas to Redding for seminary I can't think of a time that my connecting flight in San Francisco wasn't delayed.  The last time I flew United my flight was supposed to leave at 8:45pm but because it was so delayed it didn't leave until 12:45am.  That meant I didn't get to Redding until 2am, my hotel room at 2:30am and had class at 8am (thats a rough night in my book).

Now that you know my experience with United let me share how they slowly are earning me back.  The flight to Chicago was average; I wasn't changed.  But when I arrived in Chicago to fly back home I noticed there were two flights ahead of mine heading home.  I went directly to the gate of the plane leaving in 45 minutes to see if I could get on the flight.  I was placed on standby and with 20 minutes to spare I was added to the flight!  That meant I was going to see my family 2 hours ahead of my previous flight!  That wins my loyalty back. 

Then on the flight the staff was: funny, helpful and caring.  Now I don't want to get too far ahead of myself and say that I will be seeking out United flights in the future, I just want to share some of what United did and how that made me feel better as a customer.  

It also got me thinking:

What are some things that the Church needs to be doing to win people back?

What have I done that I need to change in my life to win people back?

What can I learn, as a leader, about taking care of people?

CPC Men's Retreat 2013

It seems like it just happened that I went to Mount Hermon with over 200+ guys from our church for our 2013 Men's Retreat.  I have been to many camps and retreats during my Christian walk but for some reason this one really impacted me.  Let me share a few high points from my weekend.

Worship Service
This was my first Men's Retreat with CPC and I was asked to host the weekend with Shawn Peterson, our South Campus Pastor.  I was so pumped to be able to work closely with Shawn as we hosted.  It was fun for us to work on something together like this.

Friday Night, Saturday AM, Saturday Night and Sunday AM we had worship services there.  Our worship leaders came down and lead worship.  There is something rad about being in the room with 200+ men who are worshipping God!  We also brought down Dr. John Koessler to preach at these meetings.  John preached the word in a new way; he brought narrative stories that made me look at the Gospel in a new way.

Elders Q&A
We do something that I have never seen before; NEVER.  For the first 24 hours of the retreat we leave out a box where men can write down any question they want to ask the Elders.  On Saturday night from 9pm till about 10:30pm our Elders sat down and answered all those questions in front of any man who wanted to come listen.  I have to admit that I was pleasantly shocked at how many men came out to listen to those questions.

Here's what I love about that time.  Men were able to ask real questions that were on their heart about: personal things, church leadership, theology and sex.  They were able to get real answers from the leadership of our church.  I am so impressed with that!

On a personal note this time really spoke to me.  One of our Elders was speaking in the context of marriage and brought up this verse from 1 Peter 3:7

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect...

This verse, and what the Elder said, really spoke to my heart on how I treat my wife.  I went home with a renewed sense of passion to make sure I am being respectful to my wife in all I do.  I want to make sure that my wife's needs are met and that I am being the man she needs.

Community Groups
During the retreat we broke down the large group in smaller groups.  I led a group of 8 guys in two sessions of community groups.  It was a time to get to know other men (that I wouldn't of had an opportunity to know otherwise) and talk about what God is doing in our lives.  It was cool to watch men opening up about what is going on in their lives and where God is working.  It was cool to see guys process what they are learning out loud, in a safe environment, with other men.  I don't think that I am the best group leader out there but I sure did have a great time with these men.

Ultimate Frisbee 
Let's be honest; I had to add something unspiritual to this list!  Saturday after lunch we got together and played a game of Ultimate; to be honest we played four games (and I only sat down for about 5 min during the whole time).  Afterward I was exhausted, thrilled and stoked to meet some more guys my age.

Thanks Men's Retreat for being a great weekend!

Compassion International

Who would have guessed that a ministry started in 1956 would have such an impact in my home today

In 1952 Everett Swanson visited South Korea to preach the Gospel.  During his visit he encountered children orphaned by the war.  While in South Korea Everett was challenged by a missionary friend: "You have seen the tremendous needs and unparalleded opportunities of this land.  What do you intend to do about it?  Four later Everett did something; he started Compassion International

In 2003 I met a beautiful young lady named Charity Fairfield who was passionate about Compassion International.  As time progressed I made her my wife but I honestly think one of the unwritten prenuptial agreements was that I would have to sponsor a child with Compassion.  In 2005 I started sponsoring Edgar.  This passion to help out children in need started with a man I will not meet on earth and continues in my home.

The sad thing for me is that after 8 years of writing letters with Edgar he is going to graduate from High School.  Now I know I am supposed to be happy but I am going to miss him.  I enjoy reading his letters.  I've been blessed to pray for him every night.  I love seeing how he has matured as a young man and I've been able to walk alongside (from afar) though some difficult times.

I am thankful Compassion gave me a heads up but I am going to be sad in December when Edgar graduates.  Until then I will keep praying for him, sending him letters and encouraging him in life.  The impact that Edgar has had on me, as a person, I am unable to put into words.  The only way I can express this is to invite you to sponsor a child and live life beyond yourself.

Thanks for letter me help out Compassion!  You are amazing.

A Morning of "Firsts"

This Sunday morning was a morning of "firsts" for me

I feel like I have done most pastoral responsibilities in my life.  I have preached sermons, officiated weddings, helped ordain pastors, preached Easter, baptized people, preached Good Friday, officiated funerals, lead staff meetings, preached Christmas Eve, helped license new pastors and done my fair share of counseling.

This weekend was a weekend of firsts for me as I did my first baby dedications.  I have never done baby dedications before; probably because no one wants the High School Pastor to dedicate their kid and say something dumb.  This weekend I dedicated 5 babies at our church and I'm pretty sure I didn't say anything dumb.  The best thing is I feel like I was able to play a huge role in the lives of these families over the last couple weeks and I hope that continues.

At Central Peninsula Church we are in a series right now called "Come and See".  In this message series we are looking the first twelve chapters of John.  This weekend I preached on John 2:13-25.  Now it wasn't my first time preaching but it was my first time being on video at one of our other campus'.  To be honest I was a bit nervous.

I have never had to be so prepared in my preaching before hand.  I had to make sure to look at the camera, a few times, to help the campus feel engaged.  I had to make sure my jokes were funny (they weren't).  I wanted to make sure the campus felt included.  I did my best to make mention to our South Campus and what God is doing there.  Its fun being a part of one church that meets on three locations!

Here is a link to the message I preached (same morning; second service)

Snow Valley; Snowboard Day

While at Pondo, this winter, I had a cool opportunity to hang out with some of the boys (who are now men) that were in my small group at high schoolers.  Thankfully I had a GoPro so we could record our time snowboarding together.

Here is the footage

My Top 10 Books

Lately it seems like more people have been asking me for book recommendations.  I got to thinking about this and decided to make a list of ten books that have impacted my life in a significant way.  So if you asked me about a book to read it would probably be one of these:

10. The Purpose Driven Life

If you're looking for a book to help you grow, daily, in your personal life than you need to order this one!

9. What Matters Most

For a long time I struggled with saying "YES" to everything.  In this book Doug talks about the value of saying "NO" to things! 

8. The Screwtape Letters

This book radically changed my thoughts on the unseen world around us

7. A Tale of Three Kings

Looking for a good little read to show you how prideful you are?  Look no further!

6. Choosing God's Best

If your single and need some advice stop, buy this book and read it

5. Mere Christianity 

The first three times I read this book I was utterly confused.  I'm not saying I understand it all right now but it has helped me grow in my walk with Christ

4. Refuel 

Are you having trouble staying connected, and refreshed, in your walk with Jesus?

3. Emotionally Healthy Spirituality

This book came at just the right time in my life.  Peter Scazarro shares what he has learned about becoming an emotionally healthy person

2. The Chronicles of Narnia 

If you're gonna read one; you gotta read them all!  This was the first novel I remember reading on my own desire and boy did I love it!

1. The Bible

Yep, still the #1 best selling book of all time (I saw that stat while watching Pawn Stars the other night)

What would you add to the list?

What we've tried to do to make it work

Friday night Charity and I had a really cool opportunity.  Our church has a ministry for young married couples.  There is no worship team, no formal greeters, no offering plates being passed and no sermon is preached.  For a few months we have been trying to go but it hasn't worked out until now.

See on Friday night we were planning to just go and be a couple who gets to know some people at our church.  A few days before our pastor asked us if we could share for 15 minutes about our married life. After praying about it we decided to do it!  Here is one of the things I shared that night.

Make My Wife Feel Chosen
Over the years I have neglected Charity in many ways.  I'm not trying to say I am a bad husband but that I need help being a husband.  In the last couple years I have been learning to help Charity feel chosen in our relationship and there are three ways I have been doing this.

The first I do is tell Charity she is beautiful.  I think this many times, in my head, and fail to tell Charity.  I constantly see my wife and think "WOW you are hot!" but I forget to tell her.  I may think "that new shirt looks nice on you" but I fail to say it out loud.  Now when I think those thoughts I just vocalize them.

Something I have been working on, in my life, is being present.  When Charity is around I need to focus on being present with her.  I can so easily get distracted with: TV, my phone, computer and the Wii.  I need to be remember to be present and fight to keep my attention on her so she feels chosen in our marriage.

For most of our marriage I was working on my master's degree.  That meant there were many nights I had to read a book, write a paper or book travel.  When our anniversary would come up Charity would kindly ask me if I wanted to plan it.  I usually took that to mean she was willing to plan it so I let her (bad idea).  This year I planned out our anniversary and it was so good.  I could see how that made Charity feel chosen when I made all the plans, figured out the financial cost and took care of the details.

Note: I didn't have a manuscript when I spoke about this; there were a few things I wrote on a piece of paper but I realize that my marriage is so much better when Charity feels chosen! 

Prepping for a camp

Now I am pretty sure there is no manual on how to prep for speaking at a camp.  I am not even sure if what I do is the best but here is how I have learned to best prep for speaking at a camp.

Study the Outline
Normally when you speak at a camp you will be given an outline, or some sort of document, that will help you understand the theme of the camp.  Study this!  If the camp wants you to preach on X,Y and Z then you better be familiar with X,Y and Z.  From my experience the camp will give you some direction on where they are heading and the theme they have.  The nice thing is the directions normally mean I get to use the freeway (I have lots of room to work) and normally don't have to take the country room (less room to move in).

Prepare Ahead
If the camp gives you the material 6 weeks out; start studying.  If the camp gives you the material 6 months out; start studying.  I have found that the longer I can just think about the text, direction and theme the better I am.  I am not a natural thinker so I need more time than your average person.  When I get an opportunity to think ahead I am much more creative, know my Bible texts better and have way better stories to tell! I have time to try the illustrations that I want to use and make sure the movie clips fit the direction of the message.

Map it out
Know where you are heading and make sure its clear!  I like to get a big piece of paper and write out the title of the night, the main text and my big idea down (see picture below).  Once those are clear I can start outlining my messages for the week.  When I am able to see it clearly written down I can process it better and make sure I am being crystal clear in what I'm teaching and how I'm asking students to respond to God.

Own It
If you don't own it how will anyone else?  If you don't know your material, by heart, how can you expect a student to remember it.  Now you may think this is harsh or too much to ask but I don't.  I always do my best to memorize my material, the flow of the night and how I will close the message.  My hope is that if a student ran into my 6 months later that I would know enough of the messages that I preach to still have a lasting conversation about them.

So this is what I'm doing right now; what are you doing so I can learn from you?

What Up?

This weekend I was preaching at a camp in the San Bernardino Mountains.  I have had a great time teaching at this camp for the last couple years and I am very thankful for the ministry of Pondo.

The theme of the camp was "What Up?" and all weekend we used different UP themes to help students grow in their faith.  I don't have the messages recorded to share with you but I do have some thoughts after being a student ministries pastor for almost a decade.

Ministry to Students Matters
This weekend I hung out with a bunch of student ministries pastors, adult leaders, camp leadership teams and a great worship team.  All of these people invested HOURS into making an amazing camp experience for this camp.  Students came to camp because their youth pastor believed in them.  Students found Jesus at camp because their leaders had been praying for them and God worked in their hearts.  If you are not working directly in student ministries you need to figure out how to have a finger in their because it matters.

Ministry to Students is Time Consuming
When you work with students on a full-time basis or as an adult leader it is time consuming.  This weekend I saw many adults staying up way past my bedtime.  I had conversations with leaders who had students that stayed up late (and most of them were because the kids just had massive amounts of energy).  Leaders helped carry bags, stack chairs, clean up cabins, and take kids snowboarding (suffering for Jesus).  For me; I took many nights sitting at my kitchen table writing messages with the intent to help students find Jesus.  I left my family for the weekend and took time to make the camp happen.

Ministry to Students is Worth It
Ministry to students matters, its time consuming but in the end it is all worth it.  On Saturday night there were many students that made a profession of Christ as Lord.  Students trusted Jesus with their entire heart.  Students took a step of faith, got out of their comfort zone and placed their trust in God.  As a former student pastor I can say that its all worth it!

I say that because this weekend I met up with some of the boys who were in the student ministry I lead and went snowboarding.  They are young men now and I had a great time with them as freshman boys, senior boys and now young men who are living for Jesus.

Expository Preaching

I'm learning a new style of preaching... I think (I say I think because I am doing my best to learn)

See I kinda think that when I first started preaching I used this style of preaching coming from a Calvary Chapel background but I never had the help that I am getting now.

Most of my years of preaching I did that majority of the research, preparation, sermon development and delivered the message.  When I first started preaching on a regular basis (at Hope Church) my pastor gave me a stack of CD's from Rick Warren on how to CRAFT a message.  That was very helpful in my initial years of preaching.  I think that I used that style for many years.

About two and a half years ago I took a class in seminary that rocked me.  See I thought I was a pretty good preacher... until I took a preaching class.  The bummer is that for years I had been preaching and NEVER took a preaching class.  Rod Casey was a great, gentle, understandable pastor who taught me how to preach better.  He taught me how to preach effective messages for life change.  In fact we worked through an Andy Stanley book call "Communicating for a Change" and I think that helped me communicate more clearly.

For the last five months I have been using a preaching style called "Expository Preaching".  The word expository is an adjective that means:

Explanatory, descriptive, describing, explicatory, explicative, interpretative, exegetical. 

I'm going to pretend that I fully know what I am talking about but what I am thankful for is a pastor who is helping me develop my speaking ability.  Over the last couple months I have had an opportunity to preach to our church a few times and that has been really cool.  After my preaching my pastor has taken the time to help me develop into a better expositor as I learn how to preach better! 

What is your preaching style? 

Confessions of a Pastor: Final Confession for 2012

I have a final confession to make for 2012...

I read the Bible every year from cover to cover

I feel much better now that I got that off my chest.  I know some people prefer to read one book of the Bible and take multiple weeks to read it and read it and read it again but that just doesn't work for me.

I am not one of those people who can just open their Bible and read whatever page that I turn to.  I find it too difficult not completely understanding what is going on when I open to the middle of a book.

To be honest I really can't remember who invited me to read the Bible from cover to cover or how I started this reading plan.  One year I gave up reading cover to cover and ordered the Chronological One Year Bible off Amazon.  I found that an enjoyable way to read the Bible but after reading it I passed it onto my mom to share the goodness.  In an effort to switch it up I went back to cover to cover and had done that ever since.

One year I decided to switch it up again and read the New Testament first and then went back to the Old Testament.  That was about two years ago; I'm back to cover to cover.

The confession gets better...

I don't read the Bible on my phone or iPad.  I read the Bible in paper form so I can underline passages and make notes.  I know I am so not 21'st century or hip.  I do love the youversion app and I know many people who use it to read the Bible but I just can't seem to focus... Maybe that is my problem; I need to focus and I want to be intentional with my walk with Christ so I read the Bible from cover to cover so I can know the whole truth of God.

There I said it!

Santa Cruz: Day Trip

On Friday we went down to Santa Cruz with my: kids, wife, sister and two nephews!  Charity and I had so much fun down there for our anniversary that we thought it would be a good day trip with the family.

As we drove onto the Wharf I looked to my left and noticed a sea otter swimming near the surf!  The Wharf is teeming with life; something that I missed being in the desert for the last 8 years.  After parking I took my girls over to look at the sea otter.  After that we walked around the entire wharf looking at sea lions, seagulls (nasty) and pelicans.

I think all the kids enjoyed walking around the wharf and seeing the sea life.  There were actually less sea lions there this time than the time before.  All of the kids thought it was great trying to find the sea lions and looking at the birds in the water.

(taken with iPhone 5)

After walking around we found a great place to grab lunch.  Instead of having lunch on the benches we decided to eat on the second floor where we could see the bay.  We had a great lunch and I snuck outside to get a shot of the sunny day we had!  After lunch we headed over to get an ice cream cone before heading home.

As I reflect on the day I think about how much fun I had with my kids, wife and sister.  It was great having my sister in town for the weekend and so much fun that we can do a half-day trip like this.

Follow Jesus Series

This Sunday our church started a new series called Follow Jesus.  Mark started out the series talking about the passage in Luke 9 where Jesus asks the disciples to give Him and update on what people are saying about Him.  Right after Peter confesses Christ as the Messiah Jesus goes into sharing about how He will soon die (probably not a fun conversation).

The message really impacted me as Mark talked about that there is no difference between being a Christian and being a Disciple; Christ never meant for their to be a division between those two words.  At the end of Mark's message we transitioned into a time of communion.  At that point Mark asked us to take a few minutes to think about what is in our life that is holding us back from being a Disciple.

To be completely honest, when those times arise, I normally pray for people in our church that God would speak to them.  But this Sunday I didn't do that.  I asked God what was holding me back from being a Disciple.  To that I felt God speak four things to me and then I asked Him to repeat them so I could remember them by using my fingers to mark a point.  Well when I did that I only got three things that I need to work on and here they are:

1. Watch less TV
Believe it or not this is a problem for me.  I love watching: Gold Rush, Parks and Rec, American Hoggers, Survivor, Duck Dynasty, Storage Wars, Football, The Office, Parenthood, Alaska the Last Frontier, Up All Night, Yukon Men and probably more!  I can sit in front of the TV for hours and just love it.  It allows me to veg and not engage life.

The truth is I can't live like that anyone.  I need to be engaged in life which I think leads well into the next thing I am going to work on this year.

2. Be present
I have struggled with this for years and have written about it before.  Once, while meeting with my counselor, this topic came up.  We talked about how I have the personality type that can always think ahead and miss out on today.  She encouraged me (warned me) that this will be something that I will have to fight against in my life; she wasn't kidding.  I have to fight to be present.  I can day dream in conversations, think about other things and turn the conversation to what I want to talk about.

This year I am going to FIGHT to be present more often; especially with my kids. 

3. Be a better parent 
Its tough to admit but I don't think I am the best dad.  I think I am good dad but I think I could do better.  For most of my children's life I was in seminary.  While in seminary I was able to skip out on dad duties in the name of conquering school.  Well the truth is that school is done.  I don't have an excuse anymore to be a disengaged parent.  I have written papers on how to be an involved parent so I am going to go back and take my own advice on what I need to do.

I am not writing any of this to show how Godly I am.  In fact it may be the opposite.  I am writing this because I need prayer.  I want to be a better dad.  I want to be more present in situations.  I need prayer.  I need others to come alongside me to help me be the man that I think God desires for me to be.

If you want you can watch the message that Mark preached here on Vimeo.

Longevity

One of my favorite questions to ask people at Central Peninsula Church Foster City is
"How long have you been at CPC?"

For the first two months I was shocked at the responses I heard

Here are some of the answers I received from this question:

"About 22 years" 

"Since before Mark came, so 25 years" 

"I think about 27 years now" 

"At least 30 years" 

"32 years" 

"Before Mark went gray" 

Most of my pastoral experience has been in church plants so to hear responses like this left me speechless.  It has been such a blessing to hear the stories of longevity of the people at our campus, and on our staff!  There are staff members that have been around since before I gave my life to Christ!

8 Years of Marriage

WOW...

What can I say about marriage?  What is something that would stick out? Something that grabs your attention and captivates?  Something that changes your perspective on marriage by sharing how awesome my marriage is?

When I was 17 years old I never thought I would live to see my 18th birthday and now I am talking about being married for 8 years.  As I reflect on the last eight years of marriage I am not going to give three points to a better marriage.  I don't have the top ten moments of our marriage to share with everyone.  Actually as I reflect on our marriage, today, I am just thankful.

To be honest we have been through some rough times in our marriage.  Charity has had to deal with my craziness for over eight years now; if you know me I am a little crazy.  I love to tell people about Jesus. I constantly think ahead which means I have to be intentional to be present.  I love to dream.  I like to save money.  I love animals.  I frequently think about snowboarding. Now add to all of this the fact that for most of our marriage I was working on Seminary (only took me six years to finish a three year degree).

In addition to my crazy stuff we decided to add kids to the mix.  Did I mention that our first daughter didn't come home with us from the hospital?  Ya, she was born and then taken immediately to NICU: do not pass GO, do not spend time with your parents, do not breastfeed, just go directly to baby jail.  Somehow, after that, I was able to talk her into having another kid!

As I reflect on the last eight years I am in AWE of the love of my wife for me.  I am so blessed to be married to such an amazing women.  I think about all the fun that we have experienced together.  I think of the adventures that we have taken.  I think about going to: Jamaica, Mexico, Italy, Africa, Disneyland, and Washington.  I think about how supportive you are that you left everything to move to Vegas and San Mateo when I felt God was calling us there.

I guess the one thing I would say about the last eight years of marriage is that I am lucky.  I was able to marry my best friend and the person I want to do life with.  Thanks for doing life with me Charity Benson!

New Years Goals

Like most people I make some goals for the New Year.  I wouldn't say I spend an obsessive amount of time on them and probably could do better with them.  I don't like to call them resolutions because I like to have goals.

For example one of my goals is the opposite of most Americans.  I actually avoid the gym for the month of January.  Yep, I avoid the gym.  I avoid the gym for the first month while everyone is on their "get healthy" plan then once the month is over I return to the gym to find it peaceful like always!

This year I kept my goals pretty simple.  I am not sharing my ministry goals because I haven't worked on those yet (I've prayed for wisdom but feel like I am still learning so much so that will most likely be my goal).

Goal #1
Read the Bible from cover to cover
This isn't a new goal for me.  Since becoming a Christian I have had a strong desire to read, and understand, God's word.  In a men's small group I had a man challenge me to start reading the Bible on a daily basis and that has turned into me reading the Bible on a yearly basis for about the last 9 years.

Goal #2
Utilize the "Parent Cue" app from Orange.
Our church has been using the Think Orange curriculum in our Children's Ministry and I have this app on my phone.  The bummer is I paid for it and NEVER use it.  That is changing this year.  I feel like I need to know what we are encouraging families to use and I want to see how this app works.  I also want my kids to grow spiritually so its a win win!

Goal #3
Stop drinking Soda
This one may be tough!  I love me a good soda pop.  I don't drink caffeine so my soda options are limited but this one will be tough for me.  Not totally sure why I am doing this but its been on my mind for a while.  One of my former students, Jacob Dunne, actually has inspired me on this one.  I love his dedication to not drinking soda and I think it will be a little healthier for my life.

What are your goals for the New Year?

Date Night: Joy Sushi

When Charity and I were dating I took her to sushi for her first time ever...

I had this amazing date planned where we would go to my favorite (most expensive) sushi place.  I saved up so we could go there.  I made sure we went at just the right time to miss the crowd.  I ordered all my favorite rolls for her to try.  She took one bite and literally spit it out.  

That was tough to deal with.

Now that we have been married for almost eight years Charity has learned to find a few items on the Sushi menu that she enjoys and we have had some great dates!  In San Mateo we just tried a new sushi spot for date night last week.  The place is called "Joy Sushi" and its in downtown San Mateo (about 10 minutes from our house).

Charity normally doesn't like to eat sushi for date night but since I was preaching for Christmas Eve she made an exception.  The place was pretty good; its not our favorite but its good.  We had been wanting to try it and my dad gave us a restaurants.com gift certificate to try it out!  I give the place credit for having a hilarious logo on their menu.  I think we will go back again to have some more!

Huge thanks to my wife for being adventurous. Big thanks to my dad for hooking it up!

Will the world end tomorrow?

Will the world end tomorrow?

I'm guessing probably not

Some people will disagree with me and that is fine; this is America we have that right

Before you condemn me for my thoughts let me share some of what influences my position on this hot topic.

Time Zones
People are talking about the world ending on December 21st 2012.  As we all know this theory is based on the Mayan Calendar.  I am not super familiar with the theory and I self confess that I know very little but I want to bring in the fact of Time Zones and what that plays into the date.  The time zone the Mayans occupied is located in what we would call the "Central Time Zone".  If the world will actually end on December 21st then will it end when the earth hits midnight for the time zone where the Mayans live?  I have not been able to find a specific time but I am curious at how time zones impact this.

Leap Year
The Mayans base their calendar on the Mayan calendar.  Americans base our calendar on the Gregorian Calendar.  Now I am no history buff but I'm pretty sure that there is a big difference in these calendars.  Whenever I have been asked the question about the world ending I like to bring up the fact about Leap Year and what role that will play in the end of the world.  From what I know I don't think the Mayans had leap year equated into their calendar which could drastically change the date to a much earlier date since we have been adding a day every four years.

Scripture
I know that not every one reading this will consider Scripture to be a reliable source so I decided to save it for the end.  I am basing most of what I know about the end of the world on Scripture; the other two points I previously mentioned just give me an option to talk to people about it without bringing up God first.

When Jesus spoke about the end of time He was crystal clear that:

"But about the day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father."  Matthew 24:36

I don't know when the world will end but I don't think its going to be tomorrow and from what I read I think its safe that say that God is the only one who knows.  This could be devastating to some people.  From the recent events in our Nation I can see heartbreak, confusion and frustration.  If you are experiencing those emotions today is a great day to call out to God.  God wants to have a personal relationship with you before the world ends and when you read the Bible you can clearly see that.

Ice Skating Date

Since getting married I have done my best to constantly date my wife.  There are seasons in our marriage where I have done better at this than other times.  Since moving it has been tough to find sitters, place to go and times to date but we are doing pretty good at getting a weekly date in our week!

Yesterday I took my wife on a pretty sweet date!  First we jumped in the car and headed down to the city for an exciting day time date.  Heading north on the 101 we went up to the Embarcadero where Hawaiian Airlines set up an ice skating rink in the financial district!  We arrived a little later than planned but had fun skating laps around the rink (obviously we grabbed a coffee before skating).  I enjoy ice skating and I have to admit that Charity did well; she didn't fall our entire date!

After mastering the rink we went over to get some clam chowder (in a bread bowl of course).  The chowder was perfect for a cloudy day in the city.  Finally we headed over to Ghirardelli Square to grab an ice cream sunday before heading back home to spend the rest of the day with our kids.

90 Days Later

So I've been processing this post for a little while now...

Many of you know that on August 15th I resigned from South Hills Church Community in Henderson Nevada to take a new role in the Bay Area.  It was a bit scary leaving everything I had known for the last eight years but we are enjoying the new journey and new season in our life.  As I write this post its crazy to me that we have been in the Bay Area for over 90 days now.  As I have processed the last three months of our lives there are few major phrases that keep coming out of my mouth so I thought I would share them.

LOVING IT
The main question that friends have asked us in the last ninety day is: "How's it going?"  To be honest its going great!  We love it up here.  One Friday we took the girls to the park and Charity asked me how I was doing with the transition.  I shared with her how much I love my role, love the area and love what we are doing.  She communicated to me how much she loved being up here and how happy she sees me in my new role.  I am feeling very blessed that God led us here.

FITTING IN
About three weeks after we moved here one of the ladies in our office said something to the effect of: "Neal it just seems like you have always been here."  I was so glad to hear that because that is how I feel in my new role.  My new role is stretching me in my leadership in many new ways, it has been tough learning so much and being at a new church but I really sense that we just fit here.  Since she said that to me I have had others affirm that we really do fit in well here.

UNDER PROMISED, OVER COMMITTED
One day I was sharing with a friend that I feel like Central Peninsula Church (CPC) really under promised and has over committed to us.  Being in ministry for the last decade I have heard the horror stories of guys being promised a certain thing, moving their family across the country only to find out they were totally deceived in the role.  That has not been my experience here.  I feel like everything that was communicated to me CPC has delivered on, and even more!

As I process the last ninety days I cannot help but share my gratefulness to the people who have invested in me in the last decade of my life.  I am thankful for Eastlake Church taking a risk to hire me as an intern.  I am thankful for Hope Church giving me an opportunity to help church plant.  I am indebted to South Hills Church for letting me minister alongside them for almost eight years.  The lessons that I learned in ministry, the teams I partnered with and the people I served with were all key in preparing me for this role.
Thank you for investing in me to further the Kingdom!

Confessions of a Pastor: November 2012

November seemed to have been a pretty crazy month for us.  It brought about 3 months in our new location and it started the Holiday season.  As I processed this month something came to mind that I thought I would share on and see if anyone has ideas.

I confess that I didn't read my Bible every day this month

That may not be a major confession but as a pastoral leader I want to daily spend time in the word of God.  The words of Psalm 119:11 come to mind:

"I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you"

Now I know that verse doesn't speak to reading the word of God on a daily basis but its hard to hide God's word in my heart when I'm not reading it.

Big Bear: Summer 2012

This summer, while on sabbatical, we scheduled in some time to see my mom and Jerry up in Big Bear Lake.  Big Bear is my home-town and I have some great memories of growing up in that little mountain town that I am thankful I can share with my family.

While in Big Bear we did some of the normal things that I love to do: eat at Teddy Bear, try to catch lizards with my girls, feed the ducks, hit the zoo and eat at La Montana.  Here are a few memorable pics from our trip.

Sophie and Leah looking at a deer

Sophie and Leah riding the animals!

Leah trying to pet a mountain lion who wants to eat her

This is how you eat a pancake!

Pondo Summer Camp 2012

While on my sabbatical, this last summer, I had a really cool opportunity to speak at my first summer camp.  I have done a couple winters at Pondo and have really enjoyed them but after summer camp I was so stoked on the ministry that Pondo has!  I loved how they format their summer camp; the time is great, the location is wonderful, the cost is doable and the staff is caring.

While I don't have any plans to write about what I spoke about or how Chapel went I do want to tell a story I will never forget.

My oldest daughter Sophie loves animals.  She would have every animal that she could get her hands on if I would allow her to.  Every time we see a dog she wants to pet it and she knows the breed of many dogs.

This summer at camp we saw a few lizards running around and Sophie very much wanted to catch one.  One day after getting our lunch, with my hands full, Sophie saw a lizard just outside the Chapel.  She asked me to help but I had my hands full.  Sophie started chasing the lizard around, who was no small lizard, and he almost ran into chapel but someone stopped him from doing so.  After that he ran under a small pile of wood.  Sophie started moving the wood and got him to run out from it.  Then it happened; when the lizard was in the middle of the walk area Sophie pounced on him and caught him!

Sophie caught a huge blue-bellied lizard all on her own.

For the next three hours Sophie held that lizard as her prized possession.  She pet the lizard and showed him to everyone she encountered.  She was so stoked on her accomplishment and enjoyed every moment she had with that lizard before we asked her to release him back into the wild so he could have dinner with his family.

Happy Halloween {2012}

New City, New Costume, New Neighborhood, Same Candy, Lots of Fun

That could describe what Halloween looked like for us this year.

This Halloween we spent with our great friends The Halls!  We went over to their house for some yummy dinner and then hit the streets to get our fair share of the candy that was to be had.  The weather held up for the most part but towards the end of our adventure it began to drizzle on us some.

Normally I haven't dressed up for Halloween but this year it changed.  Sophie dressed up as a lady bug and Charity chose to be a lady bug too.  Leah already had her Ariel (the little Mermaid) costume so I wanted to do something that could help me connect with her.  I decided to be a fisherman who was trying to catch a mermaid!  We had the best time with our friends going around the block.  Leah rode in her stroller while Sophie ran around with the big kids.  I had a great time shouting: "I'm a fisherman and I'm going to catch you mermaid" to which Leah would respond" "You can't catch me.  I'm in my stroller."

Operation Christmas Child

Our church is doing something super cool this year and my family is jumping on the ship to help out (Now I know this isn't the first time our church has done this but it is the first time my family has)!  We are partnering with Operation Christmas Child to help get presents to underprivileged children in other countries.  Now Operation Christmas Child (OCC) is going to use the shoebox that we filled with presents as a way to present the Gospel to these children; this excites our family!  

One thing that Charity and I have committed to is helping our daughters understand the need to help.  We are in a place in life where we can help others and the focus doesn't always need to be on self.  To help with that, this year, we decided to let the girls fill the shoe boxes for OCC.  Charity and Leah went to the store and bought the suggested items for the boxes one morning.  Later that night we took the time, as a family, to pray for the children who will receive the boxes and then fill them.

We let the girls pick the items that would go in the individual boxes so they got to feel more ownership over the process.  They had a great time picking out the toys, hygiene items, markers, and socks that we put in the boxes.  We asked them if they would like to write a personal card for the girls and they choose not to but they did want to color them a picture and put it in the box.  One thing that we chose to do was pay for shipping online so that we can track the boxes!  Our girls are super excited about this and we are really stoked to see how God is shaping their hearts with compassion. 

Leah posing with her filled box

Disneyland 2012

This summer, while on sabbatical, we took the girls to Disneyland for their first time!  Needless to say we had a blast with them!  Here are some of the unforgettable moments.

Sophie and Leah getting their first time at Disneyland button

Family in front of the big castle

Dumbo!

Sophie wanted to drive but then decided her candy was better

Sophie rockin her hat and my shades

con[DIS]nected

When we moved up to the Bay Area one of my friends in ministry sent me a Facebook message telling me about this guy up here that I needed to connect with.  It took a little while for me to land, and for us to figure out a time, but we finally met up this week.  I drove up to the city and connected with Matt.  We had breakfast, talked about life, shared about our different ministry contexts, shared our faith stories, bragged about how cute our kids are and talked about reaching the Peninsula for Christ.  Everything my friend told me about Matt was true.  He is a friendly guy, a catalytic leader and super rad (I added that).  I left very encouraged this week after connecting with Matt.

Later that day I was driving home from the office and I started thinking about how connected we are as a society.  Now this has been my rant before but I came to the conclusion that we are more connected than ever but more disconnected than ever!  

Let me explain that thought before you close this tab

I feel very connected when I am on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, my iPhone or Email.  I can FaceTime People, Skype, Message, Text, Tweet and have entire conversations with never opening my mouth.  We can decide solutions to problems, talk with relatives and look at screens but there is something about sitting face to face with a person.  

My hope coming from this post would be that you find more conversations to have face to face with people.  I am the person that uses almost every social media avenue so I don't think they are bad; I would just prefer to have more human interactions.  That conversation with Matt reminded me of that.  I love finding other people who are passionate about reaching lost people and Matt is one of those guys.

Now take it a step further.  What would it take in your life to really find true connections with people in your local area?

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
Hebrews 10:24-25

Dating Your Wife

Note to the reader: I am by no means an expert on this topic.  I have had my fair share of failures in planning dates for my wife and more times than not my selfishness has reared its ugly head in our dates.   The words that follow are from my heart and hopefully can serve as a reminder of the importance in continuing to date your wife.

When I look back on how Charity and I fell in love there are times I wish we could return to those days.  We have frequently talked about how nice it was being interns, with little responsibility, and no significant bills in our lives.  We would work, leave and have the rest of the days to ourselves.  When we officially started courting (dating) we had San Diego Zoo passes and Disneyland passes.  We lived in San Diego and could go to the beach as we desired.  We knew all the places to eat, when to visit the zoo and even went to Disneyland at least once a month.

Fast forward our lives almost ten years since we met and things are much different.  We have two young girls, almost eight years of marriage under our belts, I started (and finished) seminary and recently moved to a new city.  One thing we have done our best at is fighting for a date on a weekly basis.  Pretty much every week this looks different but here are some things to consider as you date your wife:

Make Dating Your Wife A Regular Occurrence
Many times in life I have heard the line: "Fake it until you make it".  This line can be applied to dating your wife.  You may not totally understand what it looks like because life (kids, ministry, job, church, family, pets) have overcome you.  The first time you do this it may feel awkward; fight that and press on.  One thing that Charity and I do our best at is having a regular, weekly, date with each other.

Be Creative

We don't live in San Diego anymore.  We don't have Disneyland passes.  We don't have San Diego Zoo passes.  The beach is close but its cold up here.  This means that I have to think of new ways to date my wife. This may mean that I bring her flowers at random times in the month.  It could be leaving a love note for her on the kitchen counter.  There are many new ideas that you can do when you date your wife but it requires some time to think and research what she would enjoy.  We have done random things like: Monster Trucks, Mixed Martial Arts, Hiking and Feeding the Ducks.  Don't think of the date as an occurrence but as a constant way of life.

Fight For The Time
This is a big deal for us.  We have to fight for the time to have a regular date.  There are always going to be things that want to steal that time away from you: soccer games, Monday Night Football, a ministry event, a sick kid, and the list goes on.  When we sit down and do our weekly calendar we are intentional to slot out some time for a date. This may mean we have to get creative but we find the time.

Keep Learning
I actually have a tag for date night that has a whopping three posts, now four, under it.  I am not trying to say that I am the best person at this.  There are weeks that I forget to talk about our weekly date and Charity kindly reminds me.  Don't stop!  Keep learning what this means and what God wants from you as you lead your home and date your wife.

Sea World 2012

While we were in San Diego we took some time to head over to Sea World to make sure Shamu was doing ok and eating his vitamins.  Sea World holds some very fond memories for me from my childhood with my mom, sister and grandma.  While on sabbatical I was blessed to be able to take our family there for an amazing day with my wife and girls.

This was the girls second trip to Sea World; the first time we went was for Sophie's 2nd birthday and at that time Leah was only 6 months old.  This time was great for both of the girls to see all the sea life and get to spend some quality time as a family.

Before heading in to the Shamu show we decided to stop by and see the whales real quick.  This was a huge treat to be able to see the whales up this close!

While in the show Leah wanted to take a picture of her and Shamu.  This was a huge treat for me because I think when I was younger we weren't able to afford getting a stuffed animal when we went to places.  This time we made sure to save up so we could eat all the popcorn and pretzel's we wanted (thanks Charity).  In addition to seeing Shamu we basically did the entire park (except see birds on the map that Sophie noticed).  We saw the sea turtles, the sharks, the penguins, the polar bears, the dolphins, the sting rays and The Sea Lion and Otter show.  I wish I had a picture of Charity and I from this day because I am so glad that she encouraged us to take the girls to Sea World.  She knew how tired I was and how much I needed this time with our family!

Beach Week

So I have been slowly giving some updates from what we did on our sabbatical this last summer.  I know the info is dated but it has been extremely helpful for me to relive these moments.  As I have already said, sabbatical was probably the best thing I have ever done in my life.  I shared that prior to my sabbatical I was near ministry burnout and I am so thankful for South Hills Church Community providing this opportunity for my family!

View from our house

The "Second Chunk" of my sabbatical we planned to get away and to things that refresh us.  This meant taking a month long road trip all our California that we ended up dubbing our "West Coast Tour".  The West Coast Tour started out in beautiful Oceanside, CA where we stayed a beach house for the week.  This week was filled with seeing great friends, eating great food, relaxing on the beach, eating ice cream, going to church, catching sand crabs and watching dolphins jump.

In true fashion Charity has all the good pics on her phone but I have the memories in my head.  It was great seeing Tanto and His wife, having Conrad, Karen, Deagon and Bobby over, meeting up with Matt for lunch, seeing Lauren and her family.  The BBQ with the Bower's and Berry's was great for my soul catching up with guys I love and respect.  I was so thankful that JP drove up to see me for a little and that we were able to grab dinner with Trish and Bella one night.  Finally getting to meet Justin's wife.  I really appreciated how many of our friends prayed for us and prayed for us to have strength and renewed strength in ministry!

When we started out our week in San Diego I knew that I was still spiritually drained and we were pretty active while in San Diego but I was so thankful to be able to spend time with our friends.  Good friends really do cheer up your soul!  Thanks friends!

Confessions of a Pastor: September 2012

The more I confess the better I feel.  Now I am sure that I am not alone on this confession but it is something I struggle with.  I don't have ADD or anything like that but I am prone to distraction (even at church).  For the last two years I have carried a little device in my pocket that allows me to access almost anything from anywhere.

My confession is that I check my phone during church
(Now that I said it I feel much better)

I love my church.  I am super stoked to be a part of what God is doing on Peninsula but every now and then I find myself checking my phone.  This didn't just start since we moved but it has been a reoccurring problem in my life.

I usually avoid this during the message but there are that I find myself "checking in" on Facebook during the announcements.  I am usually pretty good about avoiding checking my feed so that is a plus.

Then it gets worse.  Sometimes I like to quote something that we are singing or a point that my pastor shares.  I open this amazing app called Twitter and go for the post.  Since Twitter automatically takes me to my feed I tend to find myself checking it for about 20 seconds and then quickly lock my phone so I can stay dialed into the message.

The real confession begins now because we are in a time of the year that I love: Football Season.  When Football season comes around I find it easier to justify checking my phone.  I want to see how the Chargers are doing and who the Raiders are loosing to.

The only solution to this problem that I currently have is to keep my phone in my pocket during service... but that doesn't always happen.